Okay, so don't? I think individual languages are better when they don't add every feature under the sun that happens to be popular in the moment. PHP doesn't need threads and it sure as hell doesn't need async. PHP multiprocessing works the old way just fine (fork).
> Today's "best practices" for PHP are to use typehints everywhere.
Yeah, and it's a result of people constantly bitching about PHP lacking features. It's really annoying because it gives credence to complaints like this, I really wish they would have just replied to the strict-types demands with "No, fuck off, this is a dynamic language."
If you must use PHP, I would strongly suggest you use it the way it was intended and stop trying to shoehorn other language features and paradigms into it, you will be much happier. If we simply treat PHP as a dynamically typed C, everything is so much easier.