LiveJournal / Blogger (1999): Words are more important than styling. I'm going to be a writer someday.
LinkedIn (2002): You know who has money? People with jobs. Or people looking to give people jobs.
MySpace (2003): Webpages for people who don't webpage or understand contrast. Also my favorite song auto-playing ON THE INTERNET.
The Facebook (2004): Realization that most people suck at graphic design. You'll be shocked to learn what your friends and family believe! Ooh, there's a lot of money in gaming -> targeted advertising -> web tracking.
Reddit (2005): Remember why people used BBSs? Reddit does! Condé Nast doesn't. YCombinator does! Wait, volunteer admins have their own thoughts?
Twitter (2006): Here's a single speech / thought bubble above my head + how I feel about others' bubbles.
Tumblr (2007): I hate apps, but love pictures. Yahoo: We're still cool!
WhatsApp (2009): Remember when you could do everything from the Yahoo! homepage? WhatsApp does! Facebook: Hungry... CHOMP.
Instagram (2010): Pictures are more important than words. Photos for people who don't Lightroom. I'm going to be a photographer / model someday. Facebook: ... don't mention us here. No wait, do. No wait, don't.
Snapchat (2011): The worst thing about social media is people being able to read my old posts. Ooh, there's money in gamifying Facebook to boost engagement metrics.
Google+ (2011): SOMEONE SAID I CAN HAVE MY OWN SOCIAL MEDIA ON THE INTERNET. Internet: Okay, boomer.
Telegram (2013): Security for people who don't attend PGP signing parties.
Mastodon / Fediverse (2016): Give me freedom or give me de... hold on, let me update my settings, something br--. Internet: Okay, rms.
TikTok (2016): Memes for people who don't Photoshop.
China: {Cambrian explosion}. As long as the name is two, repeated consonants. And the logo is a racoon.