I'm pretty sure the mechanism, from end-to-end, is complex, and providing an optimized path for small changes would require resources, introduce more risk, and come at the expense of something else.
Sucks, though, for everyone who doesn't have a reasonably fast or reliable internet connection.
But generally the software industry has moved to a model where diffs are shunned and “recreate from scratch” is embraced for reasons that range from reproducibility to speed of development to architectural purity and everything in between.
Yes, and smaller updates is arguable better security for users because they'll actually update. A 3gig download and a 15 to 45 minute down time is a huge incentive to NOT update.
https://support.apple.com/guide/mac-help/what-is-content-cac...
It works for iCloud content, too.
secondly, you can run this command on the machine you want to upgrade, to verify that it can see your Content Caching Server (it should report the local IP address of the machine you set up Content Caching on) "AssetCacheLocatorUtil"
Looks like if the machine is asleep it won't use it for a content cache, even if "wake for network access" is turned on. So a pretty useless feature if you have a machine that's allowed to sleep.
beyond that, if decisions others make often seem not reasonable, it's probable that you disagree with the values on which those decisions are based, rather than those business decisions being without reason. you may be entirely justified in your disagreement, but that's a different animal from unreasonableness.
also, most business decisions are made under uncertainty and with imperfect information (under-informed), and many can seem less reasonable in hindsight as a result.
in any case, it's really unlikely that decision makers are chaos monkeys even if it seems that way from your vantage point.
A private company can deliver two human beings alive to a point in space with millimeter precision. Meanwhile another can't deliver Operating Systems without gross bugs or smaller updates with binary diff patching.
Software is more chaotic though. A small change in inputs can change behavior drastically, like stepping a tiny bit to the right on a branch of the Mandelbrot set. It's sometimes easier work, but often relatively counterintuitive.
I repeat: it's incompetence.