Hacker News Reader

Comment by robertk | Hacker News Reader

I've had to teach myself to touch everyone I meet (on the bottom of the elbow, or top of the shoulder), and start conversations with strangers in any situation. I've met a good number of friends this way, and if the touching is done properly and subtly enough, it can instantly create a warmth that is hard to achieve any other way.

View on HN

We have a sales/marketing guy that does this. It's clearly a learned/trained pattern of behaviour (maybe you can hide it better!). Nobody ever mentions it, and acts in a friendly manner. However, when he's not there pretty much everyone comments on how creepy it is and how patronised they feel.

Just something to consider - not saying that's the case with you, but this is a classic area where immediate or obvious reactions are often very different from inward feeling.

I agree, nothing sets "I will not buy your crap" more firmly in my mind than a sales person that touches me physically.

I always wonder about this - I used to be completely touch-avoidant, and trained myself to be less so (As you can probably tell, I'm not a sales/marketing guy). I don't think I'm unnatural about it, but how can you really tell?

It's only blown up once.

Just noticing the parallels that something social delivered too perfectly polished seems like a computer generated face with perfect symmetry, e.g., totally fake.

You probably meant "i.e.". "e.g." means "for example".

Some people could use to leave the canned pitch in the elevator.

I'm not doubting your story but maybe it's to do with intentions? A slimy salesperson who fakes warmth and friendliness in an attempt to ingratiate himself would rub me up the wrong way as well, but when done sincerely I really appreciate it and make an effort to do it for others too.

I suppose it is possible that everyone i know secretly resents it and gossips behind my back about my creepy touchy feeliness but I don't think so. Indeed, they reciprocate, which would be pretty counterproductive if they actually wanted me to stop.

I was pretty much taught to never touch anyone in middle school. I attended a private school that assessed 15 “demerits” for Personal Contact Infractions. Really put a kibosh on my teenage and college years romantically and I am still paying the price to this day.

The information that the smooth touchy people deduced automatically: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edh2GQHZmtI (in case this link dies, it's Lance Mason's "How To Kino")

And yet, when you say it on the internet, it just sounds creepy.

Only because he couldn't touch you while saying it.

I remember reading a comment the other day from someone who misunderstood the sarcastic tone of a previous comment. Paraphrasing 'it's so hard to discern nuance or sarcasm in a comment'.

It would be a lot easier to parse if we hadn't collectively decided that emoticons were rendered passé through misuse.

(=゜-゜)ノ UTF is in style

Only because I can't upvote more than once, have to say I bust out laughing at this one.

I suppose this is because touching people (and social interaction in general) comes naturally to most people, but not necessarily to people who spend time commenting on discussion forums on the internet :-)

I can't help but think that you are doing something that you think works but in reality doesn't; if anyone decided to touch my shoulder it would definitely break my current concentration and make me wonder what the hell you are getting at, just seems like cheesy friendly guy with no regards to personal space.

If you touched my elbow I'd probably just walk away (as an american raised male it just seems so wrong).

It would probably be different though if it wasn't someone who I just met and had an accord with.

Be prepared for this to fail more or less dramatically every now and then. Some people just don't like to be touched; I've met them.

I'm generally extremely uncomfortable touching people, even some people that I know pretty well.

Depending on the exact situation, the kind of touching discussed here would result in either me flinching/pulling away, or being less subtle in my expression of dislike, in a strong Glaswegian accent.

I definitely love this method. I learned this in a workshop and was amazed at how people reacted as opposed to the tapping on the back. Works well for groups as well. Always approach from the side or the front.

In america the physical proximity and touching thing man-to-man is usually a power move. Alpha-dog moves into your personal space and puts a hand on your shoulder to emphasize who's boss. Or sometimes it's just done to throw the other guy off kilter. Be careful with this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNKNAK60AXk&t=1m10s

I'm from the UK, but if a guy went up to me and put his arm around me while talking to me then that's what I consider it to be, too. There are a couple of guys that try to do this sometimes, and I've never quite been sure what the correct response is.

Stop moving and stare them in the eye with a vaguely irritated look.

Far different from a light touch on the elbow and "can I speak to you a second" or "you look familiar, have I seen you at _x_" but point taken.

T-shirt idea:

For your own safety . . .

(Back)

. . . don't touch anything on this side without permission.

(Lower back)

And if you're reading this and not a kid, pick yourself up and reread the above. Have a nice day.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com