I think you are imagining abuse victims as fully rational actors straining to break free, if only they had somewhere to go or full custody of their child. But a long time victim of this kind of abuse has been taught they are helpless, worthless, and alone. The only thing more frightening than staying, is leaving.
If I try and leave she threatens to call the cops.
Uses every emotional trick to make it clear I have no wear to go.
Lots of other emotional abuse.
Next day she’s bright as can be. Confused as to why any of it bothers me.
Kids are very much only reason staying.
Took many years to break free of mental chains.
Kids almost old enough to see through BS.
Don't expect your kids to see through it - it's normal for them. Sorry, but that's my experience.
I gave up on that awhile ago.
Was shocking to see her start crap with everyone plain as day. Then all kids against me because she is mom.
Never mind we we all happy and having fun until she arrived.
I spent a year pushing back hard on it. She’s reluctant to start crap these days.
I still don’t like her. But it’s better.
Extremely reasonable.
Abused people get into a mindset where the abuser is an authority. The authority knows things you do not, and will be believed by others. And the cost of testing this authority will be..horrendous.
The more confidence that the abuser displays that the rest of the world will be on his side, the more that this message is strengthened. It doesn't matter whether it is true, it matters whether it is believed. "Nobody will believe that you're an abuse victim. They will just hand you back to me."
The real chain holding the victim in place is in the victim's mind. And abusers strengthen that chain early and often. :-(