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Does ARM's Pelion for Mbed fit the bill?

https://www.mbed.com/en/platform/

Actually it sounds like it does.

The biggest hurdle I've found for updating Linux distros is that the chip vendor doesn't provide any newer Linux kernels. We're supporting some hardware right now that still runs 2.6.34 because that's the last kernel the chip vendor ported their driver patches too. And we will probably be supporting it for the next 5 or 6 years.

What about https://aws.amazon.com/iot-device-management/ ?

it is super bare bones. just the bare minimum, you need to build something around this.

That is true.

To update ubuntu with greengrass we made a lambda.

In our case we decided to use Ansible. And once you can use Ansible, you don't really need these IoT platforms.