You're absolutely right that it feels off though, to some extent it's dehumanizing. Then again, think about how often you subconciously dismiss people based on looks or first impressions in real life. However, unless you use the app purely to have one night stands you also get the chance to meet great people - many of the nicest people I've met in life have been through apps.
Ummm, you just ask. Not as in "Hey, are you single?" but "You seem interesting, how about a coffee next week?". The answer will tell you everything to know.
Seriously guys, women aren't some strange alien creatures, they're human beings and they appreciate it when you're direct and take initiative and hate men who beat it around the bush waiting for the girl to make the first move.
>I'm not attractive enough[...] so dating apps at least get you over that hump
In my experience it's the opposite, you use live dating if you're not attractive enough for dating apps as those favor only the top percentile of attractive men and being average gets you nowhere.
If situation would be reverse (girls chasing guys), ladies would be constantly complaining how hard is it to succeed, how afraid are they of the failure/rejection.
It takes time to build the confidence women love so much (unless you are an arrogant extrovert, then you have more than plenty). One of the reasons there are many couples where guy is much older. Not so much the other way around.
That's just a bad mindset. Life is never easy for most people but being a normal guy is more than enough to be successful with women.
Look in the mirror, and see if you'd like to date the person in front of you.
If not, then: Go to the gym, eat and sleep well, stay in shape, fix that bad posture, fix those crooked teeth, groom that neckbeard, wear sharp clothes, get a sharp haircut, go out and practice your social skills and most importantly be confident about yourself.
All of the above can be done by any normal guy as long as you're determined and willing to stick to a long term self improvement plan and put in the necessary work.
The problem is most guys are lazy(I was one of them) and don't want to put in the work to improve themselves and expect women to magic themselves in their arms while they sit on their couch and watch *hub and complain that good looking guys have it easy.
so clearly there's something to be said about how the way you use these apps changes your experience. use the right apps and go for people that seem interesting rather than the most traditionally attractive ones. don't bother trying to make a witty one-liner to get their number immediately, have patience and be fine with having some chats that go nowhere.
No it won't? I know girls who would think of such propositions as friendship related unless you were more direct, but being more direct comes at a risk of appearing "creepy". It's a catch-22.
Not with that attitude. Women respond positively to confident men. How you say it matters more than what you say.
I've always clicked the most with people I met through friends. But if you move to a new city you might not get to do that.
An app sounds better to me than approaching someone I don't know just because I find them attractive. You get to see if you have common interests and have a little chat before actually meeting up. Plus you know the interest is mutual.
I have a hard time connecting with people I know nothing about, and I'd be worried about bothering someone who's just minding their own business.
So I'd say if you can't find your match through your social life dating apps are helpful.
Filters are also useful.
For women, there are also some safety issues that dating apps can mitigate. If you reject someone and they get angry, they can't insult, stalk, or otherwise harm you. You just unmatch.
Your experience is typical, though. Dating apps are in some ways uncomfortable and dystopian.
You may be interested in Aziz Ansari's book Modern Love for a quick, readable explanation of how we got to this point in dating culture.
They absolutely can. I used Tinder for a good while (met my current girlfriend of 1 year there) and a common theme throughout most people that I met is that they were stalked at least once. Even I was, though admittedly to a not very serious degree.
When I meet people in real life, it's usually at a bar or club. It's not healthy to go out drinking every weekend, so there's one major advantage. Also, I get to meet people who don't go to bars and clubs (or, those that don't go to the ones that I frequent).
Avoiding rejection isn't really that much of a "plus" for me. But avoiding the BS of the occasional girl who plays you for free drinks, gets pulled away by a friend, etc. is a definite plus.
Another thing; I haven't had great luck with "being set up" with friends-of-friends. In my experience, it has never been a good match. Like, not even close.
Additionally, I would argue that you can tell quite a lot about someone provided they've made an effort with their profile. You tend to know music taste, career, where they're from, and interests.
Additionally, as someone else wrote down-thread, I meet approximately zero new people most typical weeks for me. I’m a shut-in.
Saying hello to a stranger just because you want to date them has become anachronistic (borderline chauvinistic) in large NA metros.
> I felt a bit off after half an hour of dismissing people based on just their looks and a couple of lines on their profile.
I agree and many profiles are particularly bad (I wager maybe 1/3 to 1/2 of tinder profiles I see either want to get married right away or are just looking for IG followers / validation) but I feel that, particularly if you're young, they're the standard for finding people.