Shouldn't you adjust your expectations as the evidence comes in? If you think something should have been done differently, next time don't expect so much?

By updating your priors as evidence comes in, your disappointment is reduced.

I see incompetence everywhere, but I don't feel angry and depressed.

One thing that I've found essential is to have a reservoir of people who are dependably competent. A few guys who can actually code, some who understand the topics I'm interested in, and some who know some fields I'm not so good at.