Quite frankly, middle school sucks.
I don't know of anyone who liked that time.
Friendships are more mature than in elementary school, and no one has gained confidence enough to find their own place in the world.
I don't know of anyone who liked that time.
Friendships are more mature than in elementary school, and no one has gained confidence enough to find their own place in the world.
* People say "Kids are cruel" or "Kids are little shits" or stuff like that. This is very far from what I recall school being like. Sure, some people would make fun of you, etc. but that's just banter and the process of growing up is that. You can choose to join the norm (which I saw lots of people do) or violate that norm openly (which I also saw lots of people do) and you could do that for some norms and not for others.
* People say that kids made fun of each other for their clothes. We had uniforms. Everyone wore the same clothes and the same shoes. No jewelry. No cell phones. Everyone used the same tools.
* People say that kids would harass them by sitting next to them and constantly belittling them. We had assigned seating. Teachers would rearrange seating based on whether you're being disruptive, whether you're making other kids uncomfortable, etc.
* People say that school sucks. But I recall all school being pretty fun, even the negative feeling of heartbreak of crushes unrequited, games lost, or embarrassing moments in front of class are not feelings I carry negatively with me.
* People say they were made fun of for their hobbies. People would make fun of other people. I'm not going to lie. But someone who was the class's best CS 1.5 player was celebrated for that. And the top kids in each subject were heroes.
I know this usually comes off offensive but perhaps it's the structure of American schools that the complainants went to that influences the problem?
FWIW in school my classmates would describe me as "eccentric" or "weird" pretty often, but ultimately they didn't hurt me in any real way. And here are some other related facts about schooling that I notice isn't the case in America:
* Most people would go to school by public transit or transport themselves on non-motor vehicles: bicycles were okay but no one was allowed motorized transport.
* Teachers had substantial control over the class. There was very little disruption. And when it existed it was harmless.
* There were no weapons of any sort on campus.
* There were drugs (I smoked weed - which I regret mildly because I suspect it made me stupider) but it wasn't a complex organized trade and the hard drugs weren't present.
If you want a school like you had, definitely look at private or charter schools. Because they require application and admission, they can create their own culture and approach to education.
So, as with many other things, we solve it with personal choice; i.e. charter schools.
Look, if you had heartbreaks that means you were in the girls game and you were 10 miles above the people we’re talking about here. You don’t seem to feel what it is to be excluded from the group, it’s an entirely different feeling from being rejected by a few girls and having enough support and love from your family around that it’s not a problem. I’d say 60% of the class don’t belong to the core group, and 20% are extremely solitary. Extremely solitary people also have double problems because they are not supported at home. And surprisingly, lack of love at home creates both the bullies and the victims.
Those people really need help. I know I did. It’s not a condescending tone, I’m just saying that some people are invisible and we need to learn to « see ». I’m 37 and I still have murderous thoughts. I have literally enlightened the lives of a few hundreds people around me by talking about men’s issues and describing them so people can articulate them and eventually get people who support them, and I keep fan mail on a wall at home because they help me see I’m useful to this world. But I never myself received the help I needed.
People need to learn to see. Sometimes you can’t believe how someone sitting next to you can be alone.
I don't at all doubt that others had bad experiences, and I sympathize with them. But also "if it bleeds it leads" follows in online comments (especially on places like Reddit, which I often find to be rather negative). You aren't hearing the people who just think, "yeah, middle school was okay."
The main points are:
* any class that wasn't segregated on ability would usually have at least one individual who didn't want to be there. They would typically disrupt the class. jump up and swear, push over desks, attack other students or the teacher, spit in other students faces, throw chairs at the windows or doors, etc.
* Every time you changed class you had to walk in the corridor. A packed corridor filled with students. If you pass the student or students who don't like you how can you stop one of them sucker punching you? you can't. Tripping you up and kicking you one after the other before quickly moving along to their class? that too, etc.
* Going to the toilet also presented problems. I am male so used urinals, but what if that gang of students who don't like you see you go into the bathroom? if you are using a urinal they can punch you in the back of the head, or grab you and throw you to the ground and put the boot in before you can even react. Taking a dump in a cubicle? be prepared to have bottles of piss, bricks, etc thrown over the top at you, get the door kicked in and punched, door kicked in and a bottle of piss sprayed in your face, etc.
* Walking home from school? hope a gang of people who don't like you don't beat you up and steal your bag/money/shoes ( this one didn't happen to me, but repeatedly to a friend).
The complaints that you have outlined are absolutely minor and tame.
Bullying in school is a problem for the same reason it is in adult life, that is, being punched/kicked/ hit with a brick/ prevented from going to the bathroom without risk of physical assault in an environment that you have no control over can be distressing and harmful.
Also, are you sure that bad things didn't happen or could you have just missed them? You say that school "was pretty fun", which goes starkly against my experience. I didn't have the negative experiences other people in this thread had, but it was just incredibly boring and you had to be there. That alone made it suck.