https://www.reddit.com/r/zfs/comments/eu1qsj/a_tale_of_two_f...
tl;dr Unbeknownst to me I had a bad drive cable for an external NVMe enclosure that was causing intermittent I/O errors (only during high drive utilization) that went undetected by BTRFS and slowly corrupted my drive, eventually leading to an unbootable and unrepairable system (and to be fair, I should have scrubbed instead of attempting btrfsck --repair from another booted drive, but I don't care what you say, a --repair function should NOT potentially cause FURTHER corruption if it is at all available in the tooling! Like, just fucking rip it out if it can potentially make things worse, or recode the damn thing to just act defensively... jeez)
Wiped the drive and started over with Ubuntu 19.10 and its new integrated ZFS on Root support... ZFS detected the IO issue pretty much instantly and prevented further errors by freezing I/O. Swapped the cable out during my troubleshooting and the issue went away. Also, drive is plenty fast, read test at 800MB/s