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Poor executive functioning is why I could never make myself start writing a paper prior to the day or two before it was due, despite the rising sense of panic I would get for weeks. (This is key -- it's not laziness, because good lord did I wish I were able to do the work. To me, lazy ~= apathy, and what I felt was just about the polar opposite of apathy.)

That sounds like a good explanation for why I've been avoiding studying for something for weeks but feeling guilty, even sick, the whole time about it.

I don't know though. It's hard for me to not call that lazy, and I don't think lazy denotes apathy. Isn't it possible to be lazy and still care about a thing?

Poor executive functioning is also why, unmedicated, it was sometimes difficult to not let my initial emotional reactions just come flying out. It was like there was an express lane between my limbic system and my action system, totally bypassing my ability to control it. I would find myself snapping out something and as it was coming out of my mouth, I would be kicking myself and thinking "Why in god's name am I saying this right now?"

I still struggle with emotional impulsivity anytime I take a few days off meds. Drug holidays can be surreal. Or sometimes they might not be special at all. But I've taken time off before and noticed everything - birds, wind in the air, music on the radio, and it felt so surreal that I broke down crying.

Why in god's name am I saying this right now...

Stress is dopagenic. You have learned through trial and error that procrastination will help you get enough dopamine to focus. Those habits don't go away even after you find proper medication

Since we're comparing notes, do you find yourself hearing sounds that nobody else hears?

Executive function may be involved, but the inability to filter sensory information is a pretty big part of things for many people.

When I'm two rooms away shouting "What is the dog eating?" to two people who are sitting in the same room as the dog, that's not about executive function.

> that's not about executive function.

Actually, I'd argue that it is. The other people's executive function is what allows their sensory filtering: they can almost completely filter out sounds their brain has decided is unimportant.

When cars drive past I cannot listen to what someone is saying on the phone. It completely blocks all the sound of them talking.

The cars don’t even have to be that loud or close by. A few tens of metres away at 30mph and I still can’t hear anything anyone says.

Sometimes I have to swap places with a friend when walking down the pavement just so I can try to hold a conversation.

I get impossibly bad social anxiety from stimulants and can’t use them

I've had the same probleme since my doctor prescribed dexamphetamin to me instead of the other ritalin crap.

Sry for my low english skills. I meant "...until my psychiatrist prescribed dexamphetamin..."