Poor executive functioning is why I could never make myself start writing a paper prior to the day or two before it was due, despite the rising sense of panic I would get for weeks. (This is key -- it's not laziness, because good lord did I wish I were able to do the work. To me, lazy ~= apathy, and what I felt was just about the polar opposite of apathy.)
Poor executive functioning is also why, unmedicated, it was sometimes difficult to not let my initial emotional reactions just come flying out. It was like there was an express lane between my limbic system and my action system, totally bypassing my ability to control it. I would find myself snapping out something and as it was coming out of my mouth, I would be kicking myself and thinking "Why in god's name am I saying this right now?"
Medication has helped with all of the above and more.
What I will say is that stimulants also can have a tendency to put some people on edge and increase sympathetic nervous system activity, so shorter temper could be a side effect for sure. If it's affecting you that strongly, maybe speak with your doctor about a slightly lower dose?
Or is there a possibility that you only became aware of your tendency to have a short temper once you became medicated? An interesting chicken/egg question; I'm just asking rhetorically, mind, because I have a lot of similar questions.
That sounds like a good explanation for why I've been avoiding studying for something for weeks but feeling guilty, even sick, the whole time about it.
I don't know though. It's hard for me to not call that lazy, and I don't think lazy denotes apathy. Isn't it possible to be lazy and still care about a thing?
Poor executive functioning is also why, unmedicated, it was sometimes difficult to not let my initial emotional reactions just come flying out. It was like there was an express lane between my limbic system and my action system, totally bypassing my ability to control it. I would find myself snapping out something and as it was coming out of my mouth, I would be kicking myself and thinking "Why in god's name am I saying this right now?"
I still struggle with emotional impulsivity anytime I take a few days off meds. Drug holidays can be surreal. Or sometimes they might not be special at all. But I've taken time off before and noticed everything - birds, wind in the air, music on the radio, and it felt so surreal that I broke down crying.
Why in god's name am I saying this right now...
Executive function may be involved, but the inability to filter sensory information is a pretty big part of things for many people.
When I'm two rooms away shouting "What is the dog eating?" to two people who are sitting in the same room as the dog, that's not about executive function.
Actually, I'd argue that it is. The other people's executive function is what allows their sensory filtering: they can almost completely filter out sounds their brain has decided is unimportant.
The cars don’t even have to be that loud or close by. A few tens of metres away at 30mph and I still can’t hear anything anyone says.
Sometimes I have to swap places with a friend when walking down the pavement just so I can try to hold a conversation.
Back to the topic of the irritability/temper, yeah it's basically when it's active. Afterwards I'm a bit tired but otherwise totally kosher. For context, I am also on a very low dose of 5 mg. 10mg starts putting me on "talk really fast, move really fast" sort of stimulant buzz. 20mg was utterly uncomfortable. IIRC the higher doses exacerbated the positives and negatives: even better focus, even less patience, even shorter temper.
In regards to your comment about shortened temper on stimulants, I think this is very normal and expected, and I have experienced the same at times. I don't know how to explain it, but I think overall I'm more agreeable than I was before I was medicated. This might be an age thing; I honestly don't know. Maybe I just grew out of it (I was the kid who threw tantrums lol).
I, on the opposite end of the spectrum, would get strong symptoms of depression, and a constant feeling of nausea and lack of appetite to the point of being suspected of anorexia/bulimia by my physician. I tried a wide variety of medications throughout grade school and high school, and eventually gave up because they all gave me negative side effects of some kind.
However, one symptom of ADHD is something my therapist refers to as "explosiveness" which is a very sudden change from not angry to extremely angry and then often right back to not angry. Note that this can also be a symptom of bipolar, and misdiagnosis between the two is why they tend to screen for bipolar before prescribing ADHD meds.
This is not what I experienced on Vyvanse; rather my baseline level of "being annoyed at things" was much higher, so it was easier to make me angry.
That's interesting to hear about ADHD causing mood
swings/anger/irritability and the stimulants doing
away with them. Is that a common trait of the illness
The stimulants made me crankier and more high-strung.
However, sometimes it was a net improvement in my mood because I was getting my stuff done and therefore my stress level was lowered.
I use modafinil now which is less effective for the ADHD but also makes me less cranky.
This is not really a trait of the Inattentive-subtype. However, a person grows up:
- Being frequently told that they are a disappointment.
- Would have succeeded (at something they really cared about) if they'd actually cared.
- Being tuned out because they're talking in a way that seems scattered or boring to the listener.
Can develop an unhealthy relationship with anger.
That scans closer to my experience. I’ve been on Adderal for years, and when I started it I learned that I have the potential to get angry much quicker.
1. Sort of a vast simplification, but basically hulking out and raging - maybe physically, maybe passive aggressively, maybe verbally - the form it takes varies wildly.