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Comment by pezo1919 | Hacker News Reader

pezo1919

I see, thanks.

"People from who you can inspire from" - do you mean you might have higher "basic level" of connection with the same sex?

Or are there also topics you can get into?

Seeing im downvoted up there: these are honest curious questions, I want to understand better how these social things work. And I'd be glad if I could understand more here, because unfortunately my previous attempts to understand similar social constructs failed (unfortunately I've been told multiple times by women that as a man something is not my business at all and I was not even let understand the nature of the relations.)

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If I had to guess, you're not being down voted for intellectual curiosity, but rather how you frame the question.

There are many ways you could have framed the question, but the way you did sounds like you're challenging the premise of what OP is trying to do.

Someone built something. If your first response is "Why did you build this thing?" or in your case "Please elaborate why you think building this thing helps?" it comes across as being intentionally and unnecessarily negative, even if perhaps your intent is not to do so.

If you are actually curious, a few similar ways to frame the question:

- How have you seen your work impact women?

- What are the most meaningful ways this community has helped your users?

All positive ways of framing the similar "I'm curious how or why this works" question.

>Someone built something. If your first response is "Why did you build this thing?" or in your case "Please elaborate why you think building this thing helps?" it comes across as being intentionally and unnecessarily negative, even if perhaps your intent is not to do so.

Every single HN thread is comprised of people challenging the base assumptions of the post and demanding that new projects justify themselves.

Every. Single. One.

Okay I see, I am just surprised, because that's why I put that part to the end:

"Don't get me wrong I do believe it works, I am just curious about the psychology."

These same questions get asked every time something geared towards women in tech is presented. At some point it becomes disruptive to continually ask the same questions and receive the same justifications. Not that I think its the same people asking, but even well-meaning questions contribute to an environment that is counter-productive.

Hm, what is the point? It feels like you're saying it's not my business and I am not even allowed to understand it. If you know some anwsers please share it to me and believe me I won't ask it over and over again once I get it.

The goal is to give women a welcoming place where they feel comfortable contributing and can find support and mentorship that is geared towards them. For example, in your typical tech circle, you might have a gender ratio of 80% men and 20% women. If a woman asks a question to this group about an experience where being female is relevant, she will likely get most if not all answers from a male's perspective. This obviously can be off-putting, especially if she is forced to justify her experience instead of receiving any useful advice.

Another example is exposure. Even in a purely meritocratic environment, those who get exposure will be heavily weighted, even sometimes exclusively, towards men. This can give the impression that tech is explicitly for men. Carving out a space for women's minority voices to be seen and heard over the hoards of men is useful for those women and other women considering getting into tech. Representation matters, and seeing people like you succeed gives you confidence that you can succeed as well.

> If you know some anwsers please share it to me and believe me I won't ask it over and over again once I get it.

I think this is part of the issue - the subject of women's business groups and their psychological efficacy, and at a larger scale women's under-representation in tech, has been a conversation in cyberspace/meatspace for several years. At some point, asking the same questions about the premise of a movement become an affront to the movement itself. You can compare this to other identity-based movements; asking the question "why are there all-black congregations? Are those even psychologically beneficial for black people?" or "why are there gay bars? Do they actually promote well-being for gay people?" are not questions that people ask (in the part of the world that I'm in) because those questions seem like non-issues: of course black people want to feel community with other black people. Of course gay people want to connect with other gay people. It's perceived as almost rude to ask!

Maybe this has to do with a cultural mismatch. For many, gender politics has been a frequent conversational topic in their information spheres for many years. For you, it may have not been. Just a perspective for moving forward.

If you're interested in understanding the female perspective in tech, I would recommend being a fly on the wall in communities of women:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/LadiesStormHackathons/

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/

And also reading these essays:

https://www.amazon.com/Men-Explain-Things-Rebecca-Solnit-ebo...

I'm not sure it's really specific to the sex or gender. My personal opinion is that society and education have a huge effect on how we behave and are perceived, depending on your sex. So yes, in a way it makes you closer to people from the same sex because you have something in common, but it's more than just your sex, and there are so many different criteria.

Basically, the idea is that you often identify better to someone who has common points with you, including sex.

Thanks, I think we are on the same page then how it works.

However I'd also add (this is just a personal opinion) that words, phrases which do relate to underrepresented groups might be more exciting for everyone because of the definition: it's not common but more unique.

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