After going sober, how did you deal with social situations where either other people were moderately drinking or you were expected to be gregarious?
avoiding was a non starter so the "escape plan" was I committed to leave, akwardly as it may be, before i picked up a drink.
aka if someobdy was pressuring me to drink to the point i felt i had to i would say "ok get me a beer i have to go to the bathroom" and then disappear and blame it on an upset stomach
and believe the truth that unless you take somebody else's drink away from them or ask them to stop drinking nobody cares if you have a beer or a coke in your hand
After the first year I learned that caffiene has a similar effect on me in social situations if i need to ramp up and can be just as engaging / moreso
> aka if someobdy was pressuring me to drink to the point i felt i had to i would say "ok get me a beer i have to go to the bathroom" and then disappear and blame it on an upset stomach
I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but I don't understand -- why was pretending to get sick easier than telling the truth -- "I can't, I've quit drinking", or a softened version, "I'm not drinking tonight", etc.? Or did you start off with that and they'd continue to pressure you? I don't think I know anyone who'd be that much of an a-hole, unless they were already very drunk themselves.
If you openly tell people that you “quit drinking” they will likely either assume alcoholism or openly ask you why. They are not likely to assume you just decided you don’t like the taste, so now you’ve got the label.
If instead you tell people you aren’t “drinking tonight”, you will absolutely get pressure to drink, because “drinking is fun”, and you don’t have a “real reason not to drink”. I’ve seen it many times and I’m ashamed to say that I’ve participated before as well, not because it was my intent to actually pressure someone to drink, but because it was “good natured teasing”. If I had a friend who loved steak and he suddenly ordered a salad at the steakhouse, I’d similarly be tempted to tease him about his dinner choice, even though I don’t actually care if he had steak, or wine, or whatever. I’ve since recognized that this behavior is not healthy and tried to weed it out of myself, but it’s very common.
This is by the way, why vegans complain about people teasing them or judging them about their food choices. With very few exceptions, it’s probably not malicious. It’s just people being stupid and not realizing the impact they’re having on others. In some cases, this can be just annoying. In others, this can be truly problematic.
It could be that people feel judged, criticized by someone who doesn't drink alcohol/eat meat. That person seems to be setting themselves up as better than others, or more ethical, or with better habits. And they spoil the vibe and camaraderie. People feel attacked and feel justified in striking back, or release that psychological tension with jokes that only seem funny to those with the tension.
I wish people didn’t have to feel pressure to hide behind platitudes and white lies just to be socially acceptable.
I'm not an alcoholic myself, but I drink _very_ rarely so I'm often in a similar boat.
If you say "I'm not drinking" or "I don't drink" a very common follow up question is: "oh? why?"
For me, I've always been able to shrug my shoulders and say: "I dunno, just never felt like it". But I could _very_ easily see a recovering alcoholic feeling like they're in a very awkward position once that question comes up.
The last 20 seconds or so of this clip of Jim Gaffigan rings pretty true to me: http://www.cc.com/video-clips/fq3bvp/comedy-central-presents...
As an aside, a trick I use to control the number of drinks in a business situation is to order liquor neat. I can sip a scotch for an entire meal while other people drink multiple beers or mixed drinks. Don't order something that's easy to drink.
If you have social anxiety, talk to a therapist. My drinking got out of control from a cycle having anxiety which was relieved by drinking which would cause anxiety.
Life is pretty boring in the beginning when you quit. You start to realize how much of your social life is dictated by drinking and how much time and money you spend on it.