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Comment by jonnym1ll3r | Hacker News Reader

"Who are you willing to continue to become, even after you’ve accomplished some success? What are you willing to risk, to continue going in the direction that is calling you?"

This is a really provocative and powerful post, you have a unique coaching perspective being grounded in somatic trauma therapy.

As a fellow male (British) ex-startup founder I can certainly relate to being disconnected from my emotions. What are some of the most effective means for encouraging your conversation partners to start listening and tune in?

Also, what might be some questions to ask a potential coach to see if the relationship would be a good fit?

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I'd like to reframe this, I think there's only one way to know if someone is a good fit for you - to have a proper, real, deep coaching session. As a software founder I have the idea of a "trial" baked into me, so I think this is no different here. I sometimes coach people for weeks at a time (there's no payment), so that both of us know whether this is right for us (I have the privilege that money is not an issue for me). So that I think is the most powerful, because at that point someone can truthfully commit and go all in and I think for a coaching partnership to be successful, that's the only way in my mind. When someone asks me I often say "let's coach and you can make up your mind after...", this really takes the pressure off, which can otherwise dilute a process that I think is honestly, holy in my book. In other words, if there's a coach you think could be helpful, ask them for a free, full-on coaching session so you can understand if there's a good fit.

And the most effective means to tune in in my experience are simply finding ways to slow down. Pausing, in talking, in walking, being in places that are less crowded. Tuning in during a walk in a park is much easier than in a busy restaurant. And pointing things out that you notice if someone is really charged about something, although that is a delicate process of course. But that's where I'd start.

I really loved your article. In software we are accustomed to constant progress, and we are sometimes on this perpetual hype train. Which creates this stress of the next thing you need to learn, stay ahead of the game, I wonder if in software we should more focus on calm as a counterbalance to hype. A recent HN article I liked for instance focussed on calm apps that instead of constantly bugging you, they quietly do their job.

>> This is a really provocative and powerful post

Agreed, success can be a lonely journey. That's why it's important to have the right kind of support. Courage is not something that comes from within, it comes from the confidence you gain as a result of feeling nurtured and supported by your peers.

It's important to think of success not as a destination, but as a means to a more meaningful end. Because success gives you the necessary tools and momentum to drive even more positive change in the world. As a successful person who has proven the value of their skills, it's your duty to leverage your past successes to maximize the positive impact that you can have in the world through more successful ventures. It's important to not let that raw innate talent go to waste because it is a rare and precious resource for all of humanity.

You must keep pushing forward knowing that your success is directly correlated with the good of society. At times, it may not seem that way, but if you look at historical evidence, there is a strong correlation between wealth inequality and the well being of society as a whole. As a successful person, you are the product and a symbol of a healthy society and your duty is to continue on this never ending journey to inspire others and to drive positive change in the world.

The best way to help the rest of the world succeed is by furthering your own success.

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi

You need to learn to trust the system which allowed you to succeed in the first place and rest assured that others who share this level of trust and commitment will also succeed.

If you're currently struggling to follow your inner voice and you feel like you need some guidance, don't hesitate to get in touch with me via private messages. My fees are reasonable.

I’m confused about how you can give this advice so generally. It seems like you are saying that financial success always indicates a good process and is always a good outcome for society.

At the risk of looking either naive or mean: is this parody?

>What are some of the most effective means for encouraging your conversation partners to start listening and tune in?

Couple therapy? There is an abundance of counselors, and since you're the one doing all the work anyway it will hardly matter they have no startup expertise.

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