But, and I think, more importantly, you are taking this way too seriously. Programming is fun. Write something fun. Me? I think NodeJS and VueJS are fun. Write a node app that draws ascii images in your terminal. Or, figure out how to store stuff in a database (Mongo is also fun). Wire up a VueJS app that accesses it. (Then throw it all out. Your first is never good enough to keep.)
OR, go to Glitch.com and party around there. It's a very sociable place to do some coding and engage with other people who want to program. Lots of ideas there. You can pick up Node apps and extend them. That's a lot of fun.
OR, do CodeWars.com. Pick your favorite language and do some exercises. If you aren't inspired after a week of doing that, find another profession. You're not a programmer.
OR, read GitHub. As before, if you aren't inspired after a week concentrating on the cool things other people do, forget about programming, it's not in your blood.
But you will. Programming is the most fun you can have. It has all the ingredients. Always new. Good results. Fun community. You can do it alone and sitting down.
And relax.