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Every language can do tagged unions with "kind" or "tag" markers and switch statement. But it's going to be verbose without pattern matching/destructuring combo.

Thankfully TypeScript's type system is powerful enough (and JS's syntax flexible enough) to decently simulate pattern matching:

https://gist.github.com/frankpf/cde7f792580f731dfe886ed2d91b... (see the second file for usage)

It’s not that bad, to be honest. Maybe a few more keystrokes than Haskell, but so is everything else in a C-style language.

Definitely a fair point that it is a few more keystrokes, though.

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