I was once a full-time Rails dev and really loved the framework (I don’t write as many user facing applications these days). Most of the Omakase trade offs didn’t bother me. But I never understood the disdain for foreign keys. For 99.99% of web apps, you want them (dare I say, need them).
Even in Rails 3 I would add them by hand in the migration files. Very few applications will ever actually care about sharding. We were pulling in millions at the last Rails company I worked for and were just fine with a master and a single replica.
If you get to a point where sharding is best for your company you hopefully have enough revenue coming in to fund a data transition. Your goal should be to outgrow what MySQL (or Postgres) can do for you in master/replica mode. If you do, you’ll likely be independently wealthy...
If data integrity matters at all, model-based checks (or periodic queries for orphaned data) will not suffice. Just put a foreign key in the table where it belongs and let your DB do what it does best. ACID is an amazing thing...