Have you ever talked to her about these issues? I know it is easier said than done but running away from these problems by "force your attention to your work" isnt a way to solve them
Or perhaps not to her. Perhaps to a professional counselor. (Random people on the internet are not a substitute.)
yes I did talk to her about it, for hours and hours. she says she's embarrassed about it herself, and wanted to forget about it and move on with her life. it comforts me for a while, but when I'm not talking to her, my mind wanders back to the same pit of gloominess. is it something that people can get over?