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Comment by notadoc | Hacker News Reader

> Before the Kellogg deal was finalized and he was about to suddenly become very rich, Rahal got worried. “Can I seriously find someone who’s going to love me without the money?”

This seems like an easy thought exercise to work through.

If you're rich enough to worry about being loved for your money, then you're probably rich enough to have a second modest existence to date from (modest apartment, car, etc). So, don't show any sign of wealth to people you date, until after you're already in love. If they love you for you, they'll love you regardless of your circumstance, no?

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Would you stay with someone who lied to you for potentially years? Over and over with a straight face? They did it for their own selfish reasons although not malicious ones. Assume they aren't a multi-millionaire.

Now, would that answer change if you were simply given $100 million for saying that you'll stay. What if you had to lie to them that you still love them? Keep in mind, after all, they did exactly that to you for years.

My point being, a modest fake second lifestyle doesn't alter the potential distortion of money being involved.

I don't know if I'd be impressed if a guy did this.

In theory, this sounds like a fairytale, an ordinary guy turns out to be a multi-millionaire.

In practice, this means that he lied to my face the entire time, presumably got his family and friends to lie to me as well, because apparently the entire time we were dating he thought that I might be a gold digger?

Creating an entire separate identity because of your gold digger paranoia doesn't seem like a healthy behavior.

Do you ask all your dates for net worth? I never had this question asked, so I can imagine doing this without lying.

Okay, so, realistically, if the guy in the article wants a woman to be in the dark as to what his net worth is, he'd need to:

1. Use a fake name.

2. Create a fake story as to what he's been up to for the last five years professionally.

3. Get an ordinary apartment, car, clothes, etc. all for the purpose of appearing to have regular income.

4. Get his friends to support his fake name, fake life, fake career story, etc.

5. Get his family to support his fake name, fake life, fake career story, etc.

You don't think all that counts as lying?

1. I just don't give my family name to a date.

2. I don't talk about work, it's rarely a deal breaker.

3. It's a normal thing to have a pied-a-terre.

4-5 Don't mix your friends-family and your date until you are sure in them. Actually, get an apartment on a different coast.

No, I don't think it's lying. And it's easy to do for someone with 8-9 figures in a bank.

Okay, so assuming things go well, what time period would need to pass before you reveal your true identity?

60-80 years should do it.

Sounds like a plan!

just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

You'd also have to go by a pseudonym or a perspective partner might google you and ruin the whole charade. At that point your behavior is fairly duplicitous, which is hardly a solid foundation for one of the most meaningful relationships of your life.

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