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Comment by cptskippy | Hacker News Reader

There's no negotiating with a young child, you're constantly anticipating their meltdowns and mitigating them as best you can.

Itchy/tight/lose/wrong-color pants/shirt/dresses/socks/shoes, not wanting to eat breakfast, decided they wanted a different breakfast after it's served, deciding they wanted to get the milk out of the fridge after telling you to do it, not wanting to brush their teeth/hair, wanting to use a different bathroom, insisting they don't need to potty while doing the peepee dance, needing to pet the cat before anything else, wanting to eat at the counter or on the porch or at the table.

There's no negotiating with terrorists.

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I speak as a parent of a 5 year old boy. Going through this on an everyday basis and negotiating with him has taught me so many soft-skills that no 3-day courses by <insert-famous-guru-here> will ever teach. When I look back at this stage of my life twenty years down the lane, I know I was alive :-). Silver linings and all that....

Then don't negotiate. If the kid doesn't want to eat breakfast, it will be waiting for them when they get home from school.

Exactly right. That's why you leave yourself enough time to deal with the inevitable issues so you're not late.

It's not that simple. Even adding additional time doesn't always work. E.g. Some things just can't be done till moments/minutes before having to leave. If you want to do those early you have to leave early as well. Then you arrive early, and then what. So you plan from the other side as well, and that means cutting things close with x% of buffer. Sometimes that buffer isn't enough and it throws everything off. Sometimes you're all set to go, slightly early, and something pops up.

Or, all the planning goes out the window when one of them is wailing or throwing a tantrum, or is so so so eager to show you this wonderful thing they finished drawing for you. Then you have to adapt that wonderfully planned schedule/plan, so your previously-allotted buffer dwindles and next thing you know you're one new-issue away from being late.

But yeah, one of other comments mentioned. There is a difference between being late once in a while vs always.

> Then you arrive early, and then what

Yes, being a bit early sometimes is a natural consequence of leaving enough time so that you're not late. Being late is much worse than being early because it is disrespectful of other peoples time.

If you're a bit early, then you get a few stress free minutes to hang out with your kid: sit in the car and sing songs together, run around the school yard, take a walk, talk about whats been on their mind lately etc.

Like all parenting advice, yours only applies to your kid. What works for you doesn't necessarily work for others.

I'm not suggesting everyone use the exact same system for being on time, but I am suggesting that just about everyone can find a system for being on time.

The advice is "do whatever you want with that extra time", so it should apply to almost all kids.

Toddler tantrums obey Hofstadter's law.

"Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law."

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