Is that somehow locale specific? I've never had people ask me to do something like that until I had interactions with US-based folks.
Personally I find it very odd to phrase it like that and it basically achieves the complete opposite of that intent (so I've to actively ignore it and read it as the actual assignment that it was meant as).
It's a result of a protracted period of tucking more and more of the emotion of an interaction into the background context to avoid offense, conflict, or resentment. A lot of this is early Corporate Culture engineering.
A good beginners example is the phrase, "per my last email." That's the one you'll see most, but variants such as "per the last meeting" and "per our previous conversation" are included.
This phrase seems innocuous enough, but it's an expression of deep frustration with a tinge of insult at it's target. It's essentially saying, "You haven't been paying attention or you're an idiot. Either way, you are wasting my time."
Imperative requests framed as optional questions is kinda a part of that. A constant stream of imperatives from your manager begins to feel like you're being "ordered around" and you're not "appreciated." So a manager will often ask you giving you the appearance of choice even though you both know you do not because the context of their authority makes it so.
For a very long time, this worked. It was definitely manipulative, if not borderline brainwashing. Baby Boomer's misguided advice to younger generations about loyalty to employers is a result of this.
For Gen X and on, it's mostly an empty husk of norms that are either meaningless or just the accepted way to insult someone without losing your job. "You're an idiot" will cost you your job but "Per my last email" carries the same message and doesn't cost you your job. Asking me politely to do a task is just how you assign tasks now, no one thinks it means you actually respect or care the assignee.
I can definitely see how this layer would cause issues with people on the spectrum. It causes enough problems for neurotypicals.
Amazing driving > I've nearly died with you at the wheel
Great game > We lost 1-8, I hate my team, they stink so badly
We'll meet up later > I'm not going out for anything but a WW3
Not to worry > I've cataloged this offense and will never forget it
It's a bit wet > a tsunami has recently occured
An email only ending in: Thanks > I hope you die
It's fine > It is so bad that I have actually lost verbal control of myself in public
Perfect > It's all ruined
Not bad > It's total shite
Not bad, actually > I am the happiest I have been in a decade
It could be worse > The Blitz is actively occuring at this moment, all hope is lost
Come round anytime > I never want to see you again
Oh no, my fault > What are you doing you clumsy oaf
When you have a tick > You are already late
It'll be fine > I expect things to catch on fire shortly making things, somehow, worse
Well, that's brave > you are criminally insane
Quite good > underwhelming
Oh by the way...> So, to the point of this interaction finally
I just have a few minor comments > a complete re-write is required
I am just going outside and may be some time > I’m committing suicide, don’t wait up for me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-M2hs3sXGo
The only reason this skit is funny is because it juxtaposes the understated inflection with increasingly absurd situations.
"Tom, finish that report by Friday" is a command. Commands are useful. Only the most critical objections can be tolerated.
"Tom, I need that report by Friday" is a statement of a requirement and has a minimal opening for a discussion about how to meet your need.
"Tom, can you please get me that report by Friday?" opens the door to more discussion. If Tom has a big problem with getting you the report by Friday, you can talk about it.
"Tom, would you like to write this Friday's report?" --- now we're open to discussion of Tom's preferences, but he's still expected to give them in a respectful fashion with expected context and reasons.
Oh, but actually, maybe that's the case, I'll pay more attention to the reaction if someone "doesn't like" to.
No It's business not personal. It's literally just saying that I informed you about whatever issue. I do this to inform my team that you've already been informed about an issue and you don't need to be bothered again, to trace back to where something went wrong if an incident occurs, and to protect myself by proving that I did my job.
Sure you can use "per our discussion" maliciously but it's not always like this.
We all have a set of social tools that are used towards specific ends, and we have specific responses imagined. When the responses are far outside our expectation, we get viscerally uncomfortable and have to work to adapt-- and usually do so imperfectly.
Ever see the stereotypical interaction-- where person A from a culture where you stand closer to talk talks to person B, who expects a longer distance? It's relatively common to see person A occasionally take a step towards person B, and person B occasionally step backwards and over a 15 minute conversation they back down the hall--- I'm sure both people are subtly uncomfortable and probably don't even consciously understand why.
And if only one of them becomes consciously aware of it that is enough to break the cycle. Sometimes all you need is a little awareness.
People on the spectrum aren't generally hard to manage, but they are often managed a little differently. I've had several people to "practice upon" and get better at this. (Someone in a non-tech sector probably will not have this experience). It also helps that I have non-clinically significant introversion and pseudo-ASD tendencies myself and so I'm more predisposed to understand.
I think having a manager/industry that understands ASD and having a job that lends itself well to ASD (things that can be more reasonably self-directed and independent and are not deep in peer or customer interaction) are important things that can help with success.