Translate was the one that threw me off immediately, and then I caught on the joke. To my knowledge, you cannot make HTTP requests with LaTeX (maybe some processor has commands to do so, alas I don't know of any).
Nope, I actually found that one possible. There's already a package (minted) for syntax highlighting, and it calls external programs (the pygments Python script IIRC), so I don't see any reason why they couldn't do that.