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Comment by meddlepal | Hacker News Reader

One of the (many) problems with AITA is that given Reddits demographics you get an enormous amount of responses from teenagers to late 20s and they have a much shorter perspective to judge. Further, at least with teenagers they are not exactly known for emotional maturity.

The definition of an asshole isn't universal, if it was, nobody would need to ask the question. But biasing your answers from a largely 16 to 30 male population is going to guarantee a certain type of response in many cases.

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This is especially obvious in "relationship advice" subreddits, where the answer to anything is "dump him/her".

I knew I'd become too old for Reddit when I saw a r/relationship_advice thread where the top comment was grossed out that a 30yo man was dating OP, a 24yo woman. That with an age gap like that, of course the guy was a bad egg. And everyone chimed in with how creepy it was.

yeah ... that's well within the 24yo's consent, and well within the anti-creepiness formula.

Has the creepiness formula been somewhat accepted officially? I often see people using it to define the creepiness of a relationship, something I find very weird.

I can't answer your question, but if consenting adults are dating, how about we stay out of their business? How is it different to say "oh my God he's 40 and she's 22" than to say "oh my God, they're the same sex"?

If they can consent and did, it's nobody else's business.

Some people (not me) argue that it's not consent if the 40 year old is rich and the 22 year old isn't. The 22 year old has her free will impaired by her need to survive and if their financial situations were equal she wouldn't consent.

Where did the assumption that the 22 year old is poor and the 40 year old is rich come from?

Same place as the assumption that you shouldn't bother interviewing older developers because they're going to demand too much money.

There are millions and millions of 22 year olds out there surviving just fine without dating a 40 year old. If that is literally the only option for literal survival then that's probably rape. Needing to get a job does not mean your free will is impaired.

The argument is that power dynamics (in their many forms) impair free will and therefore your ability to consent.

I understand the argument. I'm saying it is incorrect.

So the 22 year old is fine with dating the guy, and even needs him to survive..and we should not allow that to happen? Interesting sense of morality.

And I agree with you.

Officially? How could such a thing be accepted officially? What kind of question is that? There is no Ministry of Relationship Creepiness Estimation.

I intended for that question to be rhetorical. What I don't understand is why that formula is seriously used in arguments.

I'm not sure what "officially" would mean in this context, but it's a pretty good rule of thumb which derives from what people already seem to generally think.

It has issues in the teen years, but from about age 22 onward, it seems to match well with [US] societal mores.

Anything over three school grades difference is disgusting.

That doesn't scale. A 40 year old person can date a 44 year old person.

The most common rule of thumb you hear is age/2 + 7. So for a 20 year old it indeed 3 "school grades" (more commonly known as years) but for a 30 year old it's 22

It was a joke on how young people think about age difference.

Only while you're actually at school.

Indeed, that was the joke.

Well, consider me whooshed.

Judging by the downvotes, you aren't the only one :(

A more charitable interpretation is that people have gotten into situations bad enough where they've ended up seeking advice from strangers on the internet. (Not every relationship squabble ends up in a reddit post.)

I'm not sure how that relates. I'm saying that it's obvious that reddit is full of teenagers because the standard advice to any sort of relationship problem is "break up".

"My boyfriend is wonderful but his feet smell" "oh my God dump that stinky-ass clown".

Ah, just making the point that the questions don't occur in a vacuum. By the time something's bad enough to consult random strangers on Reddit the problem has sometimes escalated beyond the point. Often the "dump him" answers come with people also sharing their own life experience. (I've seen my share of the silly questions/answers too of course.)

Oh, I see what you mean. No, I've seen perfectly normal problems ("my girlfriend has different preferences in bed") elicit those same responses.

Basically, instead of "communicate with your partner", everyone defaults to "get a new one".

Both of these subreddits make me cringe so hard. Okay, maybe some RA posts are okay because they are legitimately about very complicated relationship issues, but the vast majority of the posts in both AITA and RA are just downright pathetic.

Who are these "adults" that constantly need validation and advice from strangers on the internet? How can they seriously expect to get any useful answers? Grow the fuck up, shut down your computer and talk to your fucking partner.

Similarly, if a bunch of people in real life are calling you an asshole for something you did, you were most likely an asshole. Posting some edited version of what happened to have a bunch of internet strangers soothe your feelings isn't going to change that.

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