You would need to see that person communicate in at least two of their communities to begin to respect that person.

That's a privilege, unfortunately.

It might not be safe for me to drop into queer coded language in a public place, for instance. Or it might not be safe to be publicly out as non-binary somewhere and I can use coded language to signal to others in my community that I'm "on the level", so to speak.

And even then, I think it's pretty safe to say that most folks have a professional and personal tone at the least. (I swear a lot less in the office, for example.)

I wish it was the case that we could all just be who we want to be all the time, but we have different expectations put upon us in different places and times, and adapting our language is one of the ways that we cope with that.

I can imagine if such a person actually treated everyone like they were talking to a 2-year-old, you would actually find it disrespectful.