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So uh...what if I have no interest in home automation or possess a CNC or a 3D printer?

Then perhaps this would interest you: https://pi-hole.net/

You are posting here, so at least internet access you should have :)

EDIT: What about a magic mirror? https://forum.magicmirror.builders/

I actually set up a pihole a week ago. Still trying to figure out to how optimize my use out of it as it doesn't block everything (mainly Chinese stuff).

I also considered a magic mirror, but my problem with a magic mirror is that I don't have the tools necessary to build my own frame.

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