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I do half of that crap on personal calls too. Interestingly enough, I don't get those issues on phone calls! Or most audio only calls over the internet.

The underlying issue is the technical failures of video calling, not the social environment it's used in.

On laptop I would reduce the video window to 10% of screen and put it just under the camera and it made a huge difference

I've had decent luck tilting the laptop screen down a bit so that it reduces the distance between the camera and the window

You would have to look directly into the camera, no? Why just below?

I would guess because if you always looked directly into the camera, it would be harder to watch the video/see the other person at the same time.

It is natural to look at the person and eye contact when talking to them. Hence we don't look at the camera, though I'm sure some people can and do this.