I relate to this story personally. Wish you the best, and here are some resources that have helped me:

- after many failed attempts doing CBT and mindfulness based therapy, doing psychodynamic psychotherapy with a therapist who takes relationships and trauma seriously

- "Complex PTSD: From surviving to Thriving" (Pete Walker)

- "The Tao of Fully Feeling" (Pete Walker)

- "Treating Adult Survivors of Emotional Abuse and Neglect" (Hopper/Grossman/Spinazzola/Zucker)

- "Adult children of emotionally immature parents" (Gibson)