I work for a Linux distribution (SUSE) and I assure you that we don't all act this way. I've had to carry my fair share of downstream patches in openSUSE/SUSE packages, but I always make sure to submit the patches upstream in parallel. Quite a few people I know from Red Hat (and other distributions like Debian, Ubuntu, etc) do the same. It's possible that times have changed since then, or that it depends which package maintainers you are dealing with, but I hope it hasn't soured your opinion of all Linux distribution maintainers.
One thing that is a constant problem is that users of distributions keep submitting bugs to upstream bug-trackers. If there was one thing I wish I could change about user behaviour, it would be this. Aside from the fact that the bug might be in a downstream patch (resulting in needless spam of upstream), package maintainers are also usually better bug reporters than users because they are more familiar with the project and probably are already upstream contributors.