Yale's online class on “The Science of Well-Being”
cnbc.com
cnbc.com
Eg.
- Money doesn't create happiness ( and what they don't mention: being short on money makes unhappy, my 2 cents)
- never ever forget exercise, it makes you feel better and healthier
- make time for friends and family, not every relationship needs to have a meaning future-wise
And that related to me. Not "mumbo-jumbo" and spirituality like some comments below mention.
Or my TLDR; have enough of money, you don't need plenty.
Have plenty of time, you never have enough.
I had this exact conversation with my uncle and dad the other day. It was basically along the lines of, "Those who say money doesn't make you happy have never been low on money trying to meet bills." Perhaps we're really cynical, but I feel this is a good point that many things don't address (though I am aware of the studies that show money does increase happiness, up to a point, around $75k USD if I remember).
That said, "Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy the things that make me happy."
In the same reasoning, most of my friends have no "lack of money", in the sense that they are'nt filthy rich. But they earn good money.
I have noticed that almost none of them are jealous of each other. Which are truly the best friends to have.
Don't get me started about people who complain all the time, but just want to talk the talk, without doing the walk. They won't bring joy, ever.
Some people are a lot richer, so what. I would also never went to trade places with someone who is a millionaire suddenly and have all their friends change because of that single thing.
Appreciating what you have is not such a rare thing ( outside of IT). But it's almost never mentioned here, everyone wants to start the next unicorn, while forgetting that a solid business/job keeps you more sane.
The rest of us on the other hand would be anywhere from a little to much much happier if we had student loans, mortgages, kids' educations, and retirement savings all taken care of.
The prospect of having to slog through life in a glacial pursuit of these things fills me with dread. For me there isn't much of an option beyond becoming successful as an entrepreneur. It's not even so much about the money but having complete ownership. Having to work until 65 running a mildly successful business that I built seems like it shoild be much more gratifying than slaving away to enrich others.
It's not a trope. It's backed by research. As an earlier poster says well-being research suggests the perceived increase in happiness plateaux after some figure around $75k. In fact, too much money can isolate you from your friends and family who stop being able to relate to you or feel you always have one over on them, or you move to a posh neighbourhood in a massive gated house and no one comes to visit any more...
> fills me with dread. For me there isn't much of an option beyond becoming successful as an entrepreneur
Utter rubbish. You should take this course. Believing that the only way to be happy is slogging your guts out on a moonshot to become a multi-millionaire is a sure way to stress yourself out and become unhappy.
There's more to life than money. In our industry it's easy to make more than enough for a comfortable life. Many people I work with take large breaks from work. That is real freedom. What would you do if you made all that money anyway? Maybe just start doing those things as soon as you can - you've got to find something to fill your time, either working for someone else or doing things that interest you.
> Having to work until 65 running a mildly successful business that I built seems like it shoild be much more gratifying than slaving away to enrich others.
That may be true. But that statement sounds like you wouldn't be doing it for the money rather the intrinsic satsifaction. That's far more valuable after you've hit that point of not worrying about bills, etc.
I like to look at it as the power of money to most people isn't what it adds to your life, it's what it takes away. No more fears about bills, no more worrying about being broke or stressing over the monetary concerns. That/those are the first plateau. Once those things are gone some people are going to be a lot happier, but sometimes money wasn't the actual cause of your unhappiness; just one of many causes amidst the pile. You might be more happy, or less stressed, neither, or both.
These concepts are nebulous at best, but I'm curious how one measures an increase in happiness versus a decrease of stress. Likely a fair amount of comorbidity at play.
Sounds like heaven!
I am in my late 20s and have asked one women out, a few years ago (fwiw she turned out to be a lesbian). For me to approach a women she would have to be wife potential. Why would i waste time & money with some women with no potential (with me)? I have friends that do this and it confuses me, they they theyd never wife her and complain about wasting a whole weekended wasted together, but do it just for the sex. I've tried sex and it was unbelievably and depressingly underwhelming. Sex with condoms is a huge scam on men. I'd much rather jerk off at home.
This cavalier, selfish and aloof attitude is one I am 100% limit my career and happiness but I really doubt I will change.
Just say hi and talk a minute in the beginning. Put your headphones in.
When you go heavy on the bench, you can ask someone at least.
-- I think a long time ago, I used to be like you ( not that extreme). But I started going out and quickly changed my behavior. The small overhead of saying hello and being nice in general, makes it less obvious that you filter out successful people ( sometimes).
Or the small talk with other people, when something is happening. You are the point of reference. Not someone who never says hello
Money buys urban real estate, and urban real estate buys happiness.
Happiness is not a good thing. It is the other side of the same coin that brings me sadness and pain. What I'm looking for is peace.
Being in peace is the ultimate form of being -- the only form of being.
If I'm not in peace it means I'm chasing something else. When I stop looking for anything (including peace itself) then I am... I am.
But words are words, my joy could be your happiness.
Absolutely nothing. In fact chasing what I truly want to chase will eventually bring me closer to myself.
> Buddha didn't check out after enlightenment
Buddha is not enlightened until we all are. I used to think he was a different person and I still do, only sometimes :)
This gives me a Mahayana bad taste in my mouth. (THERAVADA PERSPECTIVE)
No. You already have peace! Being in peace is the natural form -- the only way of being. Everything else is like a dream, created by our mind... imagined.
> If I have goals, then I will chase something
True, I think.
Now I'm thinking... if pain is imagined... can I chase without imagining pain? I think so. I/You can do anything.
> Now I'm thinking... if pain is imagined... can I chase without imagining pain? I think so. I/You can do anything
Do you mean I can chase anything without losing peace. How is it possible?
Do what you want, but don't define yourself by what you do. Be free of whatever defines you. Can I write this comment without letting it define who I am... not yet. but I'm working on it.
Things/goals are not bad, they have no energy, I give things energy. Imagine a heavy refrigerator in my kitchen, as long as I leave it alone it does not bother me, if I try to move it, It starts to resist... I feel no weight until I give energy to it, heck I can even break my back trying to move it :)
You may ask, what is wrong with being defined by them?
For the one who does not know himself (like me) it would be an ugly lie. A lie that brings pain.
> How is it possible?
By first distinguishing you from what is driven by you.
I don't believe in traditional meditation that requires one to sit. I believe we are all so close to our own being and peace that we only need to stop and enjoy it! It could be anywhere, anytime in any form!
Believe that you already have it! Believe that you are complete and nothing needs to be chased/changed/added/removed from whatever remains of you when are not defined by anything. In that moment of pure being and joy, you start to realize that your are! You ARE everything and nothing -- including the ego, definitions and more. In that moment, things have no meaning but you become the meaning in everything.
When I separate me with what is driven by me... I start to realize that I'm not JUST my feelings/ego. Saying I'm not my feelings/ego is as big of a lie as saying I am the ego.
But realizing that I am not JUST the ego puts me in a beautiful state of the mind -- so different than other states that I call it "no state". For me it is better to first think that I'm not the ego then embrace it -- it always works for me when I want to go into a deeper level of peace/joy/consciousness.
In other words, detachment from feelings is a tool used by me to get to the state where I feel everything.
Also, I like to think of all these as a complex mind/being trying to optimize/control itself -- it is not supernatural, religious or anything.
The problem with detaching from feelings like you do is that whatever fabricated peace that results from it is not a lasting one and when "push comes to shove" it will burst leading to the same old same old. These fabricated mental states are not reliable.
Actually feeling peaceful--as in, genuinely feeling happy and not unhappy--on the other hand is quite artless and natural, much like children feel playful and happy without artificial effort.
Detachment in the sence of not being dependent/defined by them, NOT in the sense of not feeling.
> These fabricated mental states are not reliable.
I think this is also the exact opposite. You are basically describing happiness made by mind of children and most adults which is artificial and dependent on what is not in their control. I like to describe that kind of hapiness as surfing the waves of emotions, going up and down, happy always bring sadness, and for them sadness always bring pain. But the solution is to grow up and understand that you are the ocean, this does not mean to feel nothing... quite opposite... it is the start of feeling more.
Happiness comes from the events outside. In case of a child you can take his toy away and he becomes sad.
I once saw a child cry because her friend went to the bathroom first. Children have a lot to teach those who are detached from being alive, but their understanding of world/self is not wise.
On the other hand the joy of being alive is always there and is not dependent on anything else. Once I realize the beauty and the significance of my own being, nothing brings me down from pure joy (which is more than happiness).
This is natural, effortless and is part of growing up as a human.
I learned a lot, thinking about your comments. Thanks! +1
That is the very definition of detachment.
Feelings are the core part of you, and not separate from you. Allowing "yourself" to not be defined by feelings essentially means detaching "yourself" from "your" feelings.
> Detachment [...] NOT in the sense of not feeling.
Of course if one is not feeling a feeling in the first place there is nothing to detach from.
> This is natural, effortless and is part of growing up as a human.
So whenever you begin to feel one or more of the following feelings[1] is it "natural, effortless" to experience your peace?
--
[1] sadness, loneliness, melancholy, grief, masochism and so on through all the variations such as agony; angst; anguish; anxiety; apprehension; bereavement; bleakness; crestfallen; deflated; dejected; depression; desolation; despondency; disappointment; disconcerted; disconsolate; discontented; discouraged; disenchanted; disillusioned; displeased; disquiet; dissatisfied; distress; dismay; downhearted; dreariness; edginess; fear; fed-up; flustered; foreboding; fretfulness; frustrated; gloominess; glum; grief; heartache; horror; lament; melancholic; miserable; misery; morose; mourning; nervousness; panic; perturbed; regret; sad; sadness; sorrow; sorrowfulness; suffering; tenseness; terror; thwarted; torment; trepidation; troubled; uneasiness; upset; woe; worry; wretchedness
You are right. Then it is detachment but with feelings if it makes any sense to you. It's like you go beyond those feelings -- without excluding them.
> So whenever you begin to feel one or more of the following feelings[1] is it "natural, effortless" to experience your peace?
Yes because the peace you are talking about is what gives birth to all those feelings.
In other words, I no longer care about who goes to the toilet first.
And, it takes time for one to grow up. In that moment at the age of 4 no one could convince her that the pain/sadness she feels is self-made. One can argue that, those experiences are necessary to grow. But I'm sure we agree that it is a good thing to keep growing even after that.
I looked into the course a bit more though and one of the first lectures addresses this preconception people seem to go into the course with in what the professor calls the "GI Joe Fallacy." She refers to it as "this mistaken idea that knowing is half the battle."
There will undoubtedly be behavioral practices or studies in positive psychology you may have come across before, but there is a difference in knowing those things vs. putting them to use through conscious, habitual effort.
I can't speak to how good the course is on that type of learned discipline, but it might be worth another go if you were interested enough to read the article.
When you were 18, how concrete was your definition of well-being? Remember, this is a class being taught at Yale, whose incoming students are likely already high achievers. On top of that, a 10% admissions rate tells incoming students that they will simply have to keep climbing the ladder of GPAs, internships, varsity sports etc. for the next 4 years, and after that, for the rest of their lives.
I haven't taken this particular class, but I went through 4 years of college feeling like a failure if any one of the above "todos" didn't pan out, because it made me feel like I was closer to the bottom of the pile than the top. At that age, all you can see are the trees, not the forest
Looking back, it would've been nice to have had some perspective on what it's all for. Before you know it, you've graduated, and you can't go back and try to do things differently.
My gadgets seem like they will outlast me at this point...which is exactly what makes it hard to continue spending money on them :D (I don't buy bedsheets, is this some kind of hobby?)
I do personally count ham radio as one of those "experiences plus gadgets" hobbies though; it's been a lot of fun in that way. It gives me more reasons to get out and exercise (radio play), make little trips (club breakfasts and event volunteering), and reach goals (stuff to talk about with friends). I feel like the friendships I make through the hobby are about 10x more resilient than other friendships.
There is a "spin the dial" philosophy in ham radio that I have taken into other friendships. There will always be someone else to talk to, so stop hanging around as if you're stuck with your current conversation partner. If things aren't going well, give the frequency dial a spin and see who else is around.
That said, the article is very poorly written. The author appears to not have a good understanding of what constitutes standards of proof in the social sciences, and in what way studies in social sciences ought to be spoken about.
(For example, they refer to a landmark Princeton study that "proved" money doesn't equal happiness, then states that some later studies with a different demographic "disproved" this.
But the first study did not prove anything by most meanings of the word, nor did the second disprove it. They provided evidence, suggested conclusions, invited interpretation...etc. You can't prove lasting things about changing statistical aggregates, nor prove things about individuals based on group statistics. That is not how statistics works.)
Then there is the cheesy bit where they show themselves "scoring points" on a professor who "concedes" that a car could be an experience, if you can focus on the experience of driving it...but frankly she's gently correcting them, not conceding a point. (Note that these scare quotes are my interpretation; they are not said in the article.)
I do think in general that I don't like this folksy let's-pretend-the-journo-knows-nothing-because-some-readers-won't style. Perhaps it's an imperfection of mine rather than the author's.
I'd rather they just tell me what they know or found out, or quote the authority, because I don't find the fact that they had a conversation with the authority human-interesting. (That is, I think they're angling for a human interest style in this sort of piece, but there is nothing of human interest in showing me you had a conversation with a person.)
Sadly, as scripture tells us, many (most) people who claim to be Christians are wolves in sheep’s clothing. But there are plenty of wolves hiding in the guise of the other paths too. Caveat emptor.
By the way I consider the agnostic position to be entirely intellectually honest and defensible. I happen to believe otherwise, but a reasonable person can reach the agnostic position.
Contemporary western Atheism is observably derived from Christianity. After all today's atheist isn't motivated by pre-Christian philosophers' doubts about the nature of the Hellenic pantheon. Furthermore, Christianity makes metaphysical assertions that are so much stronger than the old Hellenic ones that they aren't even in the same class.
Someone who is in a very good position, and general state of well being will have bouts of every emotion, and surely won't be 'happy' in every moment.
Though surely one could make the case that 'general happiness' and 'general well being' are the same thing if they wanted to.
Week 1. Signature Strengths
Week 2. Savoring & Gratitude Journal
Week 3. Kindness & Social Connection
Week 4. Exercise & Sleep
Week 5. Meditation & Gratitude Visit
Week 6. (It's a SURPRISE!)
Week 7. Rewirement Challenge Part 1
Week 8. Rewirement Challenge Part 2
Week 9. Rewirement Challenge Part 3
Week 10. Rewirement Challenge Part 4
EDIT: So a group of people have taken to downvoting my comments, instead of intelligently addressing them. Apparently I made a blasphemy, attacking a religious concept (gratitude). LOL.
Sure, they may have some benefits, but they're essentially just placebo effect. There has to be more interesting science on the topic than that...
You're throwing the baby out with the bathwater just because some "out there" people also like it. You might as well stop eating healthy because Acai berries are hip.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness#Scientific_researc...
"A meta-analysis on meditation research published in JAMA in 2014,[167] (that included a combined total of 3515 participants), found insufficient evidence of any effect of meditation programs on positive mood, attention, substance use, eating habits, sleep, and weight."
While there may be other with differing results it's... pretty sketchy in any case. I would hardly say scientific enough to belong in such a class.
I had a look at this when I considered meditation once but found it'd most likely just be a waste of my time. I'd rather not flush my time down the toilet.
In my understanding, meditation simply enables one to develop a heightened form of emotional detachment that may help deal with life's vicissitudes. Of course, that's again treating the symptoms and does nothing to cure the unhappiness.
You also cherry picked the negative paragraph for some reason, despite the above paragraph on the Wikipedia article citing a newer meta study with other positive results.
I'm not disagreeing with you about that depression and anxiety thing, but it seems a bit of a stretch to suggest it to a generally mentally healthy person.
Again, just to stress it out - the scientific aspect is not much relevant. From the science department I only care about it not doing harm.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullar...
"We found low evidence of no effect or insufficient evidence of any effect of meditation programs on positive mood, attention, substance use, eating habits, sleep, and weight."
As for "destruction of other cultures" - well, people use the same excuses to say that homeopathy is great and crystal healing will cure your cancer. It's a non-sense argument. This has no cultural bearing at all, just a rejection of bullshit. I have no interest in blindly approving things without analysis just because they came from other cultures. Study them. The results here are sketchy at best.
It can be, but it doesn't have to be.
'Traditional Chinese Medicine' is effectively bogus, or what we would call 'placebo'. It's not 'racist' to point that out. Chinese Emperor's in the 19th century knew that and banned it, Mao knew it as well (he had a Western doctor for himself) but re-introduced TCM after the civil war because it's the only medicine he could afford. And 'it does work' (i.e. placebo) for quite a number of things.
But 'mindfulness' crosses reasonably into the domain of legit psychological and mental well being and frankly it's not rocket science to start to conceive how 'clearing one's mind', and 'being in the moment' as opposed to living in constant anxiety can be an issue in one's mental well being, just as an example.
So yes, it's soft, and susceptible to a lot of hocus pocus and probably some 'believers and hypers' etc., but that doesn't in and of itself abnegate the real opportunities from it.
A good book to go down a scientific path is "Why Zebras don't get ulcers" by Dr Robert Sapolsky. Dr Sapolsky is professor of biology, and professor of neurology and neurological sciences at Stanford.
His book helped me understand the physical effects on my health caused by my stressful company work environment. In short - our primate bodies have a fight or flight response to stress resulting in spikes in blood cortisol, muscle tension, gastrointestinal changes etc.
Once you understand how mind affects the body then it becomes possible to see how breathing and relaxation (mindfulness/meditation) can undo the effects of stress that we battle in our daily lives.
Of course there are other ways towards well-being. I found the tips in 'Getting Things Done' very useful in reducing anxiety. Switching to 'Eat food, mostly plants' advice is helping in mood and energy levels.
People feel and express gratitude in multiple ways.
They can apply it to the past (retrieving positive
memories and being thankful for elements of
childhood or past blessings), the present (not
taking good fortune for granted as it comes), and
the future (maintaining a hopeful and optimistic
attitude).
Also here are the ways to cultivate gratitude per that same link:
Write a thank-you note.
Thank someone mentally.
Keep a gratitude journal.
Count your blessings.
Pray.
Meditate.
Personally in my mind appreciation is a matter of fact straightforward activity of ongoing enjoyment (of activities, things, events, people, etc.). Gratitude is not even close to that as illustrated above ... one I find little to no value in exemplifying (as there are superior ways of experiencing life such as appreciating being alive having a cup of coffee on a sunny terrace!).
> I honestly don't see how appreciating and returning kindness could be objectionable
Where did I write that they are objectionable? I said that gratitude is ineffective when you could be going straight to the root cause of resentment and dislodging it from your life.
> Thank someone mentally.
> Keep a gratitude journal.
> Count your blessings.
> Pray.
> Meditate.
I don't really see the first two things as being specifically spiritual, and I don't see it as much of a stretch to see that they can help with mental well-being. The third one is somewhat recursive, so I obviously can't argue that it isn't specific to gratitude.
The next two definitely feel spiritual, but I feel like they could pretty easily be expressed with "appreciation" and still be spiritual, e.g. "appreciate your blessings" or "appreciate the presence of god".
I'll be honest and say that from my naive understanding of meditation, I don't exactly know how it falls into the "gratitude" bucket. If I were asked to describe what "meditation" is in the spiritual sense, I definitely would have been more like to use the word "appreciation" than "gratitude", e.g. "appreciate one's place in the universe", so I don't really know enough to understand the distinction here.
Overall, to me, this list seems to be a mix of things that are overtly or mostly spiritual and things that don't seem particularly spiritual to me. Maybe it's just my lack of knowledge about this sort of topic, but I'm still not seeing any huge distinction between the two terms based off of those quotes. I definitely agree that from them, the course definitely seems to have a spiritual bent, but the word "gratitude" at least to me doesn't have anything to do with it.
> Where did I write that they are objectionable?
Fair enough; I may have been inferring a tone that wasn't present. It just strikes me as a bit odd that you feel so strongly about the differences between gratitude and appreciation when they don't seem that different to me (and from reading other comments, others seem to share this confusion).
That's most likely the case. From my experience with talking to people on this topic I've noticed that anytime I point out the shortcomings of meditation and the like, people--no matter how intelligent they are--tend to get very offended and then proceed to respond to me in anger without even realizing that they are feeling anything but good. (The very fact that this otherwise reasonable thread has been flagged to death is a testament to that).
> I'll be honest and say that from my naive understanding of meditation [...]
If you do your research beyond the watering down of eastern spirituality to fit the western secular mind (which is not, actually, secular) then you may very well see that there is in fact no connection whatsoever between gratitude (i.e., writing thank-you notes, thanking someone mentally, keeping a gratitude journal, counting on one's blessings, praying, meditation) and enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive while say drinking a delicious cup of coffee on a sunny terrace, as the former is designed specifically to attain a specific emotional state to counter, and keep at bay, the feelings like resentment.
I think that meditation might be better viewed as a practical tool that assists in doing what you are suggesting. The idea would be that meditation trains you to focus on the present, objective reality which would in turn make you more likely to appreciate a cup of coffee. My understanding is that at least in the Buddhist tradition that is the stated purpose of the basic breathing meditation that most people are familiar with.
Thats not to say that it might not be an ineffective tool, but I don't think its necessarily contrary to the approach that you are talking about.
Could you explain more about how you would approach things as opposed to gratitude? I think I'm understanding now what you are getting at, but I'm not sure I'm understanding the practical steps that you are advocating as an alternative to meditation.
People invested their time and effort in this course. The least you can do is be grateful that there are such people on the planet who care about the wellbeing of others.
This is the same kind of thing that's used to promote anti-vax campaigns and scam people out of thousands of dollars for fake medical treatments.
Incorrect. Gratitude, along with other meditative practices, is a spiritual notion.
> You fabricated that
Fabricated what exactly? Quote the exact words I wrote.
> then complained when you were downvoted for being obtuse,
If what I wrote was obtuse, the intelligent response is to ask for clarification instead of emotionally lashing out onto me with downvotes, sarcasm and projections.
> and you keep complaining about lack of intelligent discourse
Indeed. Just for one example, where is intelligent discourse in your comment? Do you have anything to say directly in response to what I actually wrote? Instead you are just trying in vain to intuit what "stance" I take.
> while ignorantly hammering at a point that doesn't exist here.
What point is it that I am "ignorantly hammering"?
Edit: I had to warn you about this just two days ago. If you keep doing it we are going to have to ban you, so please review the site guidelines and don't do it again.
I'm not going to compromise on my principles, so go ahead and ban me (I see that you have already put a posting limit on my account).
'Only I can truly appreciate your suffering and your needs, and so only I can lead you.'
How about that?
To appreciate can mean to understand or recognize. Art appreciation doesn't quite mean gratitude towards art, as far as I can see.
Consider, 'I am grateful for the grace of God' or 'I am grateful that fate has spared us'.
Then try, 'I appreciate the grace of God' or 'I appreciate that fate has spared us'.
Appreciate sounds almost haughty and egocentric in comparison.
If I appreciate my food the focus can still be on me, maybe I can even relish how my oh-so sophisticated palate is able to extract wonders from the food, indeed how amazingly I'm able to appreciate the overall art of cuisine (or anything else).
If I am 'grateful' for the food, such a stance seems difficult. It's hard or silly to think of oneself as excelling in gratitude. Of course it can be done (and is always annoying to witness) but it seems harder to keep up as it's more obviously self-contradicting than garden-variety egotism.
So it seems that 'gratitude' suggests a more measured relationship between object and subject, and does a better job encouraging humility.
Except of course for the connecting of appreciation and egocentrism.
I can appreciate eating a delicious croissant, for example, savouring its buttery flavours as experienced on the tongue without egotistically thinking of "my" oh-so sophisticated palate. Moreover the word "appreciation" does not necessarily imply selfish thinking of any such sort.
Of course gratitude is not taught in such "mundane" contexts of sensately enjoying eating a croissant. It is always about some "higher" things like God or your childhood hurt memories or "food" (as nourishment rather than sensory pleasure).
And humility is a core part of gratitude. Yet humility exists to counter pride (one can't help but be proud of being humble.). Humility and pride are two sides of the same coin, and appreciation has got nothing necessarily to do with either of them.
Besides, the only people who promise cures for resentment, etc., tend to be religious.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-...
Scientists would probably notice increase in pleasure/happiness-related neurochemicals and particular happy brain area activity patterns when I just choose to feel gratitude if they could put me in an fMRI machine and also perform realtime neurotransmitters monitoring.
Nevertheless I am not sure if this can be considered a reliable medication alternative, it can be hard to switch to these feelings with stressed amygdala and depleted L-tryptophan.
I also think that by positioning your argument as in opposition to "spirituality" it may call to mind negative experiences that many religious people have had with people who have bigoted views about religion.
As for "splitting hairs over minor issues" I disagree; the difference is not trivial as explained over here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19905418
Sincerity as to what you are feeling each moment is the first step towards it.
If you are actively denying or dissociating (i.e., meditation), you won't get to understand how it all works. Resentment, or any other affective issue, is to be curiously explored with awareness and attentiveness (what are the emotions involved? what are the beliefs? why do I feel this way? how does this feeling operate? etc). Once you have fully explored something -- and this is where dogged determination comes into play -- there comes a point where that issues vanishes like dropping hot coal. Not unlike ceasing to believe in Santa Claus.
It does take time and persistence in the beginning.
Mindfulness is actually 180 degrees opposite, as it leads to a form of (acute) emotional distancing. Having done Vipassana in the past I can also say that from experience.
First of all, when you say:
> to be curiously explored with awareness and attentiveness
To me that sounds like introspection (correct me if I am misunderstanding). You say that disassociating from your emotions is the wrong way to go about it, but how can you do true introspection without disassociating a little? Otherwise wouldn't your introspection be clouded by your emotions?
I was wondering if you had any thoughts on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy? To my knowledge, the main idea of ACT is that you don't avoid negative emotions or feelings but instead accept them and attempt to passively observe them.
In any case, whether you answer these questions or not I appreciate the conversation. It's always interesting to learn about new philosophies and criticisms of other philosophies.
[1] Reports of two of them becoming free are available online: https://www.actualists.org/reports/newly-free
The way I was taught to use gratitude to enhance my well being was to consciously think about the things I'm grateful for a write them down. That's it.
That's like saying love is a religious concept, just because some religions talk about love.
I am reminded of the rather dismissive aphorism: "Show me an atheist and I'll show you the God he doesn't believe in."
Your original comment also broke the site guidelines by calling names and being a shallow dismissal and flamebait. If you'd made your substantive point about gratitude without all that, and neutrally, it might not have been downvoted, though even then it's kind of a generic tangent.
So far, that's at least five site guidelines you broke. Would you mind reviewing them?
People fail at happiness; and then start devaluating happiness itself probably to rationalize their unhappiness and also justify the consequent resorting to socially inculcated meanings. Mr. Jordan Peterson even enabled a cult following around this odd psychic adumbration.
And, by the way, it goes without saying that cynicism and weariness precludes happiness.