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Comment by tonyedgecombe | Hacker News Reader

>Brutal doesn't mean disrespectful

It has done every time I've seen it.

Often when I have seen it escalate to that level it has been due to the individual being criticized being totally oblivious to anything more subtle.

Possibly, in my experience it was more about the person dishing out the advice and had little to do with the recipient.

It depends on how respect is defined as well. Ask any school child about being demanded respect(obedience) for respect(treated like a person).

Some may literally consider honesty more important than concern for feelings.

It is also a somewhat cultural thing - in some it is rude to ask politely to someone well known to "please pass" as opposed to "gimme". Etiquite is ironically very contextual.

I had a phsyics proffessor who graded my work with the following comments:

   "No."
   "I expected better from you."

This is brutal. But it is also fair and honest, and something I respected deeply.

I think the point here is that your prof was criticising you rather than your output. That’s why it’s brutal, because it’s personal. He’s being honest about his feelings but it’s not very helpful to you. So I don’t think it’s fair.

He knew I was bullshitting and he knew I knew that. There's no point in telling me what I got wrong when I'm well aware of it. If I had put more effort into studying, I wouldn't have gotten my analysis wrong. Or if I had come in for help before turning the assignment in.

Bringing this back to the article - the context for candid feedback is a competent workforce. By your own admission it appears you we’re still in the process of learning about competence so the prof was not providing candid feedback of your submission but questioning your competence. That’s a different and necessarily more personal discussion!

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