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This was my exact path. For the longest time, the goal was to become gainfully employed as an engineer. Achieving your primary goals seems to be a lot like meeting your heros - you'll always be disappointed. Once I had the job, then I had to figure out how to keep it from completely absorbing me.

Most of the stages you mentioned above use an external criteria for success and for motivation. If that's the only kind of system you're familiar with, then you probably hadn't had the chance to stop and think "Does doing this make me happy?" because in those systems that question is irrelevant. You do what needs to be done to achieve the grade/rating/performance review and then ask what hoop you need to jump through next.

It seems the people that build truly rewarding careers are generally more internally motivated and because they have a better idea of who they are and what drives and motivates them are in a better position to to say "no" to things.

    But you should consider not trying so hard.

I suspect that's not going to be a popular thing for a lot of people. I agree with the advice but I'd re-word it slightly because -- at least for me -- it's not about trying. I'm paid, so I will do the work and it will be solid but I might also destroy myself in the process which kind of defeats the purpose. So I'll go with "Do something that the effort/reward properly matches how much it will drain out of you to complete"

I used to be an absolute minimum 50-hours/week guy, often around 60-80, and I did it without much pain, but I also didn't realize what I was missing out on. In my last two positions, I have managed to rarely work more than 40 hours (he says coming off of a 75 hour week last week). I'm accomplishing more on every front. This would not have been possible a few jobs ago. My new responsibilities are no "less important" in the grand scheme of what I think of should be "important in life" and they're far more important/fun for me, personally. I found an employer that operates in a more Agile fashion, with fewer deadline emergencies and I'm mentoring more, writing less code but getting to tackle much more difficult problems (which is why there's less code -- it takes a lot longer when you have to refer to docs/RFCs because there's no answers from the usual corners of the web).

I've learned that if at least two out of every five days of the week (averaged over a month, maybe?) I don't get out of bed at least reasonably motivated to work on the thing I'm working on, it's time to evaluate where things are in my life. The last two jobs I've had, "reasonably motivated" has typically been "bolt upright excited" to get up and start work.

    Don't put everything into your job

It's probably not a good idea, especially if you work for someone. They won't put everything in to you, so it's going to be a very uneven relationship. But it is a stupidly important thing in your life (especially if you're supporting a family and working full time). It occupies a large portion of your waking hours so if you're miserable there, the rest of those hours are probably not going to be great, either.

> But you should consider not trying so hard. Just doing your hours, dont volunteer to do extra, and figure out what you enjoy that makes you happy.

For me, my EGO sometimes gets in the way of what is best for me.

For example, mostly when I was younger, if I saw someone implement something or solve a problem that I thought I had a better solution for, I'd tell everybody. And then get stuck solving it myself.

I still fall into this trap even now that I know to look out for it.

Really this was me just attempting to appear clever, and in the process making more work for myself.

Not trying so hard is the rational choice. During the time that managers are getting together to stack rank us and decide on our bonuses, or even whether to lay us off, they are making cold rational decisions.

To me, workers should approach their job the same way. Think of yourself as a business of 1 doing business with your employer. If you work unpaid overtime, you are losing money. If you always go the extra mile and do all sorts of extra stuff, you are losing money.

A job should be an economic arrangement.

It's ok to be friendly and to do a little extra to retain their business, but going way beyond, that's like sharecropping.

Sharecropping is growing your crops on rented land. Sometimes it's inevitable, but in the end it's not your land you are working, but the employer's.

> Just doing your hours, dont volunteer to do extra, and figure out what you enjoy that makes you happy

Im only 28, but I don't feel burned out despite working very hard at growing my abilities.

I take breaks, lots of breaks. I do my best to enjoy as much as I can. I block out and forget the annoying crap.