I've seen firsthand how shitty things can be for trans people. I'm sorry. I hope you can find a support system that meets your needs.

> i thought i had aspergers but it turned out I was actually transgendered.

Is it possible that you're trans and Asperger's? There's research suggesting that they appear together more often than chance would suggest. It would explain the surprising frequency of trans people in tech fields, as well. Anecdotally, three of the four trans people I'm close to are diagnosed ASD, and I have my suspicions about the fourth.