I felt this way. But I outlived that curiosity at some point. The concept of cause & effect became invalid.

Two major realisations were the final blow before I hit the abyss of it all.

1. Every action of mine was intended towards self improvement 2. Each of those actions was/is/will be futile

I want to go back to that phase when I was waking up curious about what will happen next. But I'm not able to keep living the lie anymore.