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Curiosity about what will happen next, both in my life and with the world in general.

I felt this way. But I outlived that curiosity at some point. The concept of cause & effect became invalid.

Two major realisations were the final blow before I hit the abyss of it all.

1. Every action of mine was intended towards self improvement 2. Each of those actions was/is/will be futile

I want to go back to that phase when I was waking up curious about what will happen next. But I'm not able to keep living the lie anymore.

I went through something similar, except that, after a time, rather than wanting to go back to it I feel liberated from it.

You sound severely depressed. I hope things get better for you.