>The big difference is that the chance that ALL devices on a brand new laptop will work out of the box (including all the bells and whistles like sleep modes, audio routing when adding/removing Bluetooth gear, multiple external displays with different DPIs, etc) is nearly 100% on Windows and in my experience nearly 0% on even the most up to date linux distros, at least unless you did very careful research before buying your machine.

I'm going to disagree with you on this. But first I need to point out that if you mean literally "out of the box," then I would certainly agree with you; but I'm going to assume by "out of the box" you mean "fresh install."

I run a small computer repair/assistance shop and it is my experience that very few laptops, new or otherwise, work 100% with a fresh install of Windows 10 or 7 (we do very little with 8). BUT the crucial difference between the non-working devices under Linux vs Windows is that on Windows the WiFi and/or ethernet card (almost) always works right away which then allows Windows Update to find drivers for the non-working devices. Under Linux, the Wifi card will often not work with a fresh install which then makes getting the other devices working extra difficult. It's even worse if the ethernet port also doesn't work.