[flagged]
First off, I am a feminist. I don't feel destroyed. I don't even know how a single live television interview could "destroy" feminism. That is, I've seen debates between professional Young Earth Creationists advocates and professional biologists who are untrained in debate, and the YECs seem to "destroy" evolution ... until you figure out that the YECs are telling lie upon lie and science isn't built upon face-to-face debates - and especially not against outright liars - so it's a worthless forum to decide such things.
Second off, as a feminist, the obvious questions are, why don't men have the same options as women, and why can't we change that?
Eg, men don't usually have the option to take time off of work to raise the kids, among other things because of the expectation that that's what women are supposed to do, and because (for perhaps sexist history) men tend to make more money than women.
So, why not generous paid time off for both parents? And high quality, highly subsidized, day care starting at 18 months or so, so both parents can get back to their careers?
Third off, I think that "focus on how to be an adult in society" is the feminist view. Focus on how to be a 'man or women' in society would be the non-feminist view, first because it implies there are different gender roles, and second because it implies that there are only two gender roles.
Getting back to the referenced NYT link, why does it seem like the anti-feminists are also disproportionately more likely to use, for example, "the N-word and anti-gay language"? That's the content you are glad Patreon bans, yes?
Boys are raised differently from girls, and that certainly influences preferences, and for most girls there is a glass floor that isn't present for men. Likewise there is a glass ceiling that is present for women.
My point is that the whole argument that because we have inequality between both genders, there must exist a casual relationship, that social hierarchy itself is artificial.
Yet hierarchy exists all throughout the animal kingdom in which the strongest and the fittest claim their power.
What feminists want is a future that is exclusive of men's rights which is very dangerous. Feminism is also exclusive of men who become women.
There should be no gender attached when you are trying to fight for individual equality. Yet, here we are.
The media reports the most extreme and hysterical viewpoints from both sides. You may be generalizing the whole movement based on those anecdotes.