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Comment by andyidsinga | Hacker News Reader

Anyone else read the Dear Polly part ...and just couldn't bring themselves to the Dear Haunted / advice part?

I felt like just trying to sit in that situation; sort of ponder the whole thing without coming to any conclusions. How many people do I know who could be Haunted? How many times have I been Haunted myself? What got me out of that space?

I just couldn't read the advice part.

I think to the points when I've been in that dreadful place like Haunted. A few friends reaching out asking "how are you?" without offering any advice and especially not sharing a fucking story riddled with survivorship bias. Those little acts seemed to clear the fog; and even better, I knew that they just wanted to reach out and ensure that I knew they were thinking about me.

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IMO, most of the advice given to to the stuff Haunted says is usually the same no matter who the advice giver is. "Just be yourself", "If you stopped being so negative all the time you would be happier", "You can do whatever you want to do", "The only person holding yourself back is you".

I've read a lot of this stuff and it generally feels like a wash. Like someone who has already overcame their problems and is at the high point is giving you these answers and to be honest, there isn't really much advice you can give unless you know them personally. There isn't much you can give a person who is feeling empty and disheartened.

I agree. It's impossible to fix these type of problems with advice. Deep problems of identity.

"Be comfortable with yourself" is advice that is technically true, but to get from here to there, so to speak, requires putting yourself into a messy, vulnerable personal relationship with another human being, who cares about you enough to break through and force you to care in turn. "Advice" is useless when it comes to deep interpersonal problems like this.

Also, you can give easily advice like this without having ever fixed yourself: Just repeat platitudes.

I've done exactly the same thing as you, read the Dear Polly part but couldn't get though the rest.

Since im replying to your comment you can assume i have worked through a couple of 100 replies here.

The situation is a little close to home and has left me with an overwhelming feeling of dread.

I didn't read the advice part either. Didn't seem fitting, felt wrong. Her letter stands alone.

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