I am currently 36, working for pay as a software developer since 1999, father of three -- and I would like to reiterate oppositelock's comment: "you're being too picky"
I totally understand your frustration with all this "helping other people" buzz but... Ultimately this is the job to be done by you right now :)
About the entire open-office culture, since I am a manager I have been granted a private office - which I have immediately converted into a shared quiet space to work for whoever might need it. I actually prefer to be where things get done.
I really think the problem lies in the engineering culture and maturity of the teams you had the chance to work with. Keep on looking!
Best,