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Comment by KennyCason | Hacker News Reader

I'll assume you are indicating that the visitor logs are often empty. Given that, I do not see how no visitors correlates to the families doing it out of vengeance or spite. In general, I feel the poster extremely amplified the reasons why people put family members in nursing homes. Based on this wording, specifically the paragraph about "letting them rot all drugged up... in a urine soaked room". This indicates a rather extreme, and I'd wager rare stance to take. I'm wondering if this is from their own anecdotal evidence.

I do know for sure nursing homes are definitely used to "remove a burden." Dealing with elders at that stage of life can very taxing, and many people would rather simply avoid it. They may even, as the poster hinted at, dislike their family member. However, even then I don't think they share as strong emotions as the poster.

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I don't see much daylight between neglecting (apathy towards) family and vengeance or spite.

Whatever the case, I'd welcome research into attitudes towards eldercare. Right now, I feel like we're flying blind. For instance, I wouldn't be surprised whatsoever if GenX'ers (like me) would rather die than be warehoused. But no one I know is thinking that far ahead, having these discussions with their kids. Nor are our parents discussing this with us, now that it's our turn to be the care givers.

For instance:

Family Involvement in Residential Long-Term Care: A Synthesis and Critical Review [2008]

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2247412/

"... These collective findings have helped debunk the myth that families abandon their relatives in nursing homes or similar settings to die in isolation..."

To be honest, I'm probably far younger than most on this thread and it's quite easy to dismiss my naive interpretation of a system that may? have the best of intentions but fails to materialize the outcomes sought due to individuals without a greater collective understanding of all parts micro-optimize their own actions guided by intuitive emotional reactions to the detriment of those trying to be helped by creating incentives that retrospectively do have the anthropomorphized _persona_ of malice even if the individuals themselves are deluded only through incompetence and existential horror of viewing their own upcoming mortality through the lens of their decaying elders into thinking they're helping or are at most forced to accept the reality that the burden is too large for themselves and must resort to society for support in handling the situation and absolution of burgeoning guilt through dilution of responsibility.

If you happen to wonder "what went wrong with this guy that caused him to become so jaded?" and contend that "he doesn't speak for all of us, I'm different!" well I will say it is very true that I am sort of an anomaly in current sentiment. Most people do not like how I end up deconstructing the world I perceive and view my analyses as ususally extremist, having getting kicked out (or desperate attempts at 'rehabilitative' disciplinary action) of nearly every organization I've ever been a part of from gatherings of family and friends to Sunday schools and churches, scouting, schools, and companies alike. I realize due to the repeating pattern the problem is most likely seated in myself, but if you're listening you still may like to entertain the idea that the superficial gloss we paint the world in vain attempting to heal our souls could in fact only be concealing a necrotic core. Maybe not out of actual belief in such a situation, but only to check due diligence off the list and set your mind at ease that judgement of our times will be favorably looked upon and your decisions were made with principled reason rather than excuses of being led astray by deception.

"I realize due to the repeating pattern the problem ..."

Sure.

I reprogrammed myself. I chose to be positive, optimistic. It took years.

Life is a gift, every day a celebration. I rejected the recurring debilitating existential terror. I now find joy wherever I can, however I can, and do good works as able.

Good luck.

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