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Comment by cryoshon | Hacker News Reader

>Just relax and be yourself

nah. socializing is performing by necessity.

"being myself" would entail picking apart people when they say silly/ignorant things regarding religion, science, etc. it'd be interrupting people and explaining how their favorite TV shows are full of holes. how their prattle about celebrities speaks to the emptiness of their heads. it'd be playing the devil's advocate when nobody is looking for a balanced discussion. it'd be going on long monologues on various topics. these are not endearing traits to have. i know that i wouldn't want to be around such a person for long.

maybe this is why social interactions can't be relaxing for some people. once you know that being yourself and "relaxing" is extremely grating on other people, you know to keep it tightly under wraps, which circumvents any relaxation in social situations.

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> picking apart people when they say silly/ignorant things

That may be a good thing.

Most people would feel discomfort [from your attempt to pick them apart]. In this case you would learn not to speak with them.

Some other people would enjoy thoughtful discussion with you. These would be your new friends.

But if you try to put your polite mask on - it would be hard for you to find new friends, even if there are matching people at that party.

His point was that he is making effort not to be dick over unimportant matters to people who don't enjoy that. Because all in all, what he described was not looking for throughtfull discussion and it seemed to be intentionally so.

I for one, appreciate effort and am willing to reciprocate. If he don't explain me why my favorite shows are dumb, I will not insult his shows.

You also assume that people who take others apart don't mind the same being done to them. In my experience, they typically like to pick apart others, but can't handle being picked apart.

> In my experience, they typically like to pick apart others, but can't handle being picked apart.

Yes. cryoshon even states in his post that he wouldn't want to be around a person like himself. So he's only allowed to interact with masochists who like being constantly criticized while never criticizing back, because anything else would be "fake"?

> they typically like to pick apart others, but can't handle being picked apart

Such people are not competent to pick apart others, because they did not polish their criticism against the feedback they receive.

I, personally, like both: find mistakes in other people mental models and people finding mistakes in my mental models.

You are correct, but conflating two issues. The issue at hand is goal oriented social behavior, which is one end of a spectrum. At the other end of the spectrum is what you accurately describe, differentiating private and public self.

Another helpful tip along these lines is don't arrive at parties nude

...well at least not unless that is explicitly required.

> i know that i wouldn't want to be around such a person for long.

I dunno. I don't mind picking apart holes in a show or two (I watch a bunch of shows and most of them are full of silly holes, that's par for the course) and having some balanced discussion. Long monologues though are probably not good at parties, and definitely no celebrity talk.

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