Hopefully, you don't have clinical depression but find out.

I recommend Stephen Covey's book: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The whole book is excellent. Start with Habit 1: Be Proactive.

Seek to be 100% responsible for everything you do and currently have. Do not blame others or situations, take full responsibility. For when you blame others, you give them control.

Becoming proactive means becoming highly accountable, subordinating your impulses for your real values. The opposite of this is "Reactive" which is when one is swept away by externalities, the heat of the moment. This habit will hopefully kick-start your life.