To Persuade Someone, Look Emotional
nautil.us
nautil.us
That's a depressing fact if true. Reasoning is a superior way of making a moral judgement, solely because we're wired to thing about ourselves and our close tribe before anything else. It's only through reasoning that we can consider the true "big picture."
However, one thing we might take away from your claim that "wired to thing about ourselves and our close tribe before anything else" is this:
If people are motivated to come up with an incorrect decision, then reason can often give people a mistaken sense that they are being ration, when in fact they are using a rather large set of tools to get their preferred answer.
Only belonging works in your favor, everything else emotional is against.
Emotional control has become more important than ever in today's society. In times past people were not so widely adept in emotional exploitation and communication was limited in any case to a close physical proximity. But in today's society of global communication with vast numbers of individuals skilled in emotional exploitation, emotionality is like a leash that those skilled in pathos can drag people around by, to whatever end they seek.
One man chooses to ignore the condition because going into a psychotic rage is bad, therefore he should pretend that he does not have the condition. He considers the condition impolite to talk about.
The other man chooses to acknowledge and confront the situation. He insists (sometimes rudely) that hosts and workplaces avoid flashing red lights at him.
Which of these is the path to civilization?
More generally though, civilization is little more than people agreeing to work in close proximity under a shared code of laws. There is extensive written evidence of this going back to at least ~1800BC, though it's certainly been the basis for practically all civilization throughout our existence. People who cannot obey these laws are excluded from society. So for instance all civilizations have banned theft, yet kleptomania is certainly a thing - people who have no need to steal yet have an incredibly strong urge to do so. Nonetheless, they will face the same consequences as any other. If they cannot control themselves, they will not remain a part of civilization.
For issues with no clear right or wrong, such as flashing red lights, there's another issue. One individual has an irrational dislike of flashing red lights, another has an irrational like of flashing red lights. Who does society choose to adjust itself to? This is yet another reason why the onus of emotional control is on the individual, and not on society.
The analogy to the 2nd man would be: standing up against emotional manipulation. For example, demanding laws against emotionally manipulative advertisements. This, I propose, is the path to a better civilization. Not just ignoring the problem.
I think we are quick to discount things that we cannot visibly see. For instance, if somebody of normal health told you that it was just physically impossible for them to bench press more than 100 pounds, you'd probably find their statement quite ridiculous. Of course the reason is that we can see our muscles and how they change and develop (or atrophy) in response to how we train them, and we can precisely measure changes in our ability to lift. With emotions you cannot so easily measure them, and it's not really clear how to train them. But that certainly does not mean it's out of your control.
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But on point here, consider the notion of trying to prohibit emotionally manipulative advertisements. The first question would be why? Apple's 1984 [1] is one of the most famous and effective bits of marketing. It's also almost entirely an emotional piece. You're certainly not excited about the specs there! I don't see why such things should not be allowed. And if you're going to try to ban emotionally exploitative marketing, why stop there? What of news, or even media in general? Politicians? Even individuals in our ever connected world? And on top of this how do you define what is emotionally exploitative?
It's just not a realistic solution, and sounds quite dystopic in any case. By contrast starting to help people learn to control and manage their emotions is something that seems entirely practical. Of course not everybody will achieve the same results, as in anything, but today we make absolutely 0 effort to teach this in any sort of way. For that matter, at times we even seem to be going in the opposite direction and, at least implicitly, encouraging emotional response.
I'm guessing you meant Plato, Socrates was likely illiterate.
Also consider that young children are almost purely emotional. It would make sense that we should be hard-wired to trust, and build trust with, our children.
In addition to paying 80% attention to how it is said instead of the content of what is said they tend to judge people who are better at putting on an appropriate 'mask' of confidence as 'trustworthy' when they all know that nearly everyone puts on a show for interviews anyway. That is believing that people who demonstrate better capabilities of actively faking emotions are more trustworthy. When aptitude is widely linked to practice. Saying you want a surgeon who can't stand the sight of blood so they'll make fewer unnecessary cuts is more logical than that.
That is beyond trusting your intuition and into flat out divorced from reality and putting on a heaping helping of cognitive dissonance on top.
The revelation was disturbing yet it also explains /a lot/ of societal dysfunctions and why high functioning sociopaths are disproportionate among CEOs.
Humans may recently have found a better way but that remains to be seen; on the face of it, reason is much more abstract and hence more 'divorced from reality'. It certainly doesn't warrant an immediate switch of strategies.
If you're going for a hunt on large mammals, gut feelings about your peers is probably a good way to judge a person. An interview for a job is (usually) an entirely different situation.
>> Things like the halo effect, for example trusting people because they are attractive, are well-rooted in empirical evidence.
Oh my god, please don't tell me you trust people because they are looking good. If you do, you should consider establishing a different trust-metric, one that maybe has to do with the job a person is actually requested to do.
The burden of proof is on those proposing a new system. I doubt it’s as easy as many rationalists assume.
The existence of the effect really means that it wasn't selected against.
Some relevant books:
Words That Work: It’s Not What You Say, It’s What People Hear
Blink (looks almost like Freakonomics)
Imagine we flipped it around and said it to entrepreneurs: "Do you really want to live your life as CEO of a successful startup knowing you got there by faking confidence?"
That's radically different from deciding to make a change in one's life, to make some effort in order to change bad habits and so on. The key difference is how you feel once you succeeded. Are you 100% happy? Then everything is fine. Are you always anxious, tired of acting (e.g. like you care or you don't care), and something doesn't really feel right? You may want to rethink your priorities in life.
But some combination of “improve yourself” and “examine your expectations” will work better than “pretend to have qualities you don’t” as a long term romantic strategy.
E.g.: instead of faking confidence, work on improving actual confidence.
I would agree with sociopaths /narcissists skew towards seats of power because such people are more willing to take big risks, feel entitled to more and DGAF other than themselves. Also, the amount of wealth and prestigous title/s someone has tends to change them to behave similarly.
The main ways to bring balance back are to:
- forcibly remove the cancer of and vigilantly guard against corrupt political-wealth complex from all areas of government
- sensible wealth-redistribution; having millions of people whom are homeless living on the sides of highway on-ramps or can never retire is obscene
- more co-op businesses, employeee ownership and workers on the board of directors
- stronger unions that work
- US: single-payer
- more minimum vacation time
- even in times of hyper-mobility, community rebuilding, across all demographics, in a standard format people know about: something to replace church/atheist “church”... it’s unhealthy to have an anonymous, closed society of mostly lonely people with only fb friends and few/no one to talk to regularly.
Because of this I am not going to respond to your entire point however I would urge you to do some research on the origins of libertarianism, communism, and socialism. It may surprise you that they all tend to be mischaracterised and traditionally set out to resolve the same issues in similar ways.
I think quite often when people make a quick "moral" judgement it's more about what they feel is right.
Reasoned morals can be the opposite, sometimes they can feel wrong and often require people to stop and think about why a certain thing is in fact moral.
When someone makes an instinct based moral judgement the instant message is that the person is concerned with morals ( whether it be reasoned or not ), which does send this message that the persons fundamental nature is to do the right thing ( whatever 'right' is doesn't matter so much as the desire to do it)
Where someone who takes time to figure out moral questions, it feels like they aren't inherently moral. Even worse when their reasoned moral judgement doesn't "feel" right. You may have to know that person more intimately to realize that they thoughfully moral.
I feel maybe this has lot more to do with social cohesion rather than morality.
On the other hand, people who take moral decisions depending on the situation and the context are unpredictable in a way. And the result will be more difficult to judge as moral or not. People who stick with them long enough might come around to trust them and see them as moraly sound, but there is a higher barrier to entry.
The study was about partner choice, and for me the takeaway would be that it’s easier to trust people that are also easier to understand
At the same time, you're clearly right that we should be more rational when it comes to trying to act morally [1]
[0] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-smart/201502... [1] https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/feb/06/against-empath...
http://www.iflscience.com/brain/most-psychology-papers-cant-...
This says "on reasoning alone". I wouldn't trust someone who didn't reference their instincts/emotions for moral decisions. There are studies on people who function on reasoning alone, and they are, unsurprisingly not very good at moral decisions. And I'm not just talking psychopaths, but also people who's emotional centers have been damaged. This is unsurprising to me, because our emotions and our morality are both part of the system that makes us social creatures (e.g. empathy). Morality is essentially a meta-structure that helps hold societies together.
Besides, there's a lot of evidence now that our "reasoning", especially on moral matters, is more often than not, a post hoc justification of our emotional instinct.
There are some nice explanations of this by people like Jonathan Haidt.
> Besides, there's a lot of evidence now that our "reasoning", especially on moral matters, is more often than not, a post hoc justification of our emotional instinct.
Can you give an example of these studies? I’m interested in how they assign a qualifier of “good” or “bad” to various moral decisions. Are subjects not consistent in their moral decisions, or do their decisions disagree with the moral priors of the researchers? How do the researchers establish that their moral decisions are correct? That’s the essence of ethics itself.
Unless these studies are exceptionally careful in their setup, I think it’s probable they’re begging the question implicitly. A more reserved conclusion might be that people with less empathy, in the aggregate, consistently make moral decisions which are different from those who have more empathy. But I think this conclusion might be kind of vacuous to anyone who has read a philosophy book or two on ethics.
In short, don't give someone a reason to do something. Just whine.
So why don't we all whine?
This I have asked of shouting. Normally I politely ask people to do things with a friendly tone of voice. However there have been moments, e.g. on-coming car catastrophe, where I have shouted at people and been surprised at how quickly people move or do as they are told. Shocked at being heard and being 'obeyed' I have wondered why I don't do it more often. I dismiss the idea as it is not me and contradicts many aspects of my upbringing. But you can see how it is that some people get what they want in the world by shouting/whining or being a general narcissist.
Having lived with a person who is hearing impaired, the effects of shouting on reflexive action will dissipate after the first week.
Where I live, the exact opposite seems true. If you are an ardent user of social media, you are more likeley than not to be under a bit of scrutiny.
I'd argue that this is why the GP succeeds in their B/C tests - because they made it about their own choices. In A it's trying to convince the other party of a position on privacy instead which is, unsurprisingly, a lot harder
My experience does not bring me to the same conclusion as the article or your comment. I don’t think it’s about whining or an emotional appeal. Rather, I think it’s a matter of not giving the other party anything to argue with. If I enumerate the many reasons which have convinced me to not use Whatsapp, the other person has a lot of...”rhetorical surface” with which to attack. They may or may not be successful, but they can probably launch a decently cogent rebuttal.
On the other hand if I simply say, “I don’t like it”, and follow up with, “I don’t know, I just don’t”, there isn’t enough substance with which to find a logical flaw. Your friends might judge you for it but, in my experience, it won’t stick out enough in their memory for them to really focus on it one way or the other. They are sort of forced to concede because your reasons are inscrutable. Disengaging can be its own form of victory, because it forces a draw (so to speak).
Obviously that isn‘t persuasive; it’s defensive. Likewise, I used to compete in Speech & Debate tournaments at the national level. In that context you have to engage, by design. My team (and rivaling teams) had a philosophy that we’d impart to all new recruits: when you’re formulating your point, deliver it forthrightly and concisely. Support your position with the minimum that will suffice and provide further support as needed, to parry the rhetorical attacks you encounter. This gives your opponent less material to refute, which means each individual point you deliver is harder to detract. When you’re trying to persuade someone (especially if you have an audience) a reasonable point delivered confidently, and with one or two strong reasons or citations, is far more privileged than many “passing” reasons which can made the focus of a rebuttal.
An appeal with facts, reasonable viewpoints and what not is effective if your audience is already heavily biased towards your viewpoint.
Appeals based on emotion and whining are likely to be called out by an audience that's inherently skeptical or believes very specific ideals surrounding the nature of discussion (the "debate to reach a higher truth, not to win" crowd).
Unfortunately, I've found what you said to be true with audiences who remain on the fence or don't really care about whatever issue is at hand.
Many posters here fall into the camp to whom discussion is an attempt to reach the truth so they fail to see the rhetorical forest for the trees.
That's not to say we don't have our blind-spots when it comes to emotional appeals, however. That's just human nature.
I've worked with people who tended to display these emotions when making decisions, interacting with people, and carrying out their work. Far from persuading me, it was more likely to make me think that the quality of their decision-making (and other aspects of their work) was compromised.
Displaying anger at your audience may not be convincing, but if you want your audience to be angry about something else, then displaying the anger you want them to share can be quite effective.
A common enemy is among the oldest tricks in the book.
The worst thing you can do is to make a weighty issue seem simple or that you regard it tritely. That's what Dukakis did wrong, even though I have every belief he actually did think the issue through.
You look in that person's face, you make the call. You'all remember that stuff. Maybe not so common now, but it's still on TV.. "My word is my bond." and all that.
If that utterance doesn't come with a hardcore look of sincerity playing across the face, well then it's not believable. Looking emotional doesn't mean looking distraught. It means not looking like a mannequin.
Even with data, logic, reason, and an armful of facts, imagine two people with equal amounts of the aforementioned, trying to convince a 3rd party, but one of the individuals throws in expressions/mannerisms that communicate "trust", "sincerity", and "competence"...
Relevant - https://i.imgur.com/yN2l1Cp.png
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17662135 [How to tell the difference between persuasion and manipulation]
People who are reasonably intelligent and competent are not going to fall for these persuasion techniques...it's better to learn how to be more competent than waste time trying to learn persuasion. Yeah, you can probably persuade a stranger to give you a few dollar, but it won't work in situations where the stakes are higher. Regarding Dukakis and the 1988 presidential debate, attributing his loss to his answer is an example of the Post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy. Because he lost, pundit needs to work backwards to try to find a reason why he lost, but that does not prove that his answer was why he lost. Scott Adams (and this is where I disagree with him) attributes Trump's win to special persuasion techniques, but Trump was going to get about 50% of the vote (just by virtue of being that GOP nominee) regardless of any special techniques. And also, if pursation were so effecvie, he why not just purade everoyne watchign his Periscopte to give him a few dolalr.s Surely that shoudl not be too hard.