Comment by sverige | Hacker News Reader

Comment by sverige | Hacker News Reader

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It's definitely past the mid-point right now. I'm fortunate to have begun my career just as the excesses of the second wave reached their peak, so I've spent my entire worklife assiduously avoiding any appearance of impropriety. I have never met with a female coworker alone in an office, and have never socialized with women coworkers outside of work. Many have tried to shame me into going out with a group, but I have always declined. It hasn't hurt my career advancement, so no regrets.

Has it hurt the development of some of the women who have been my direct reports over the years? Probably, but it has also protected the women I care about the most, namely my wife and daughter, because it has prevented any kind of accusations from getting traction.

Yes, remarkably, and despite carefully avoiding any sexual talk of any sort at work for over thirty years now, I have been falsely accused of sexual harassment a handful of times over the years, but nothing has ever stuck. I think it is, in large part, because I have been so careful.

This is the consistent counsel I offer to younger men at work. Some listen, most don't. A few have suffered serious career setbacks as a result of fishing off the company pier or other indiscretions, yet it could have been so easily avoided. I'm glad I only have another ten years or so to go. It would be a lot tougher to survive in today's climate as a young man.

Not knowing anything beyond your irrational refusal to have meetings with women and your apparent contempt for their careers, I'm inclined to believe the (multiple?!) sexual harassment complaints against you. It's really not normal to be regularly accused of that kind of behavior.

Three accusations in thirty years hardly qualifies as a "regular occurrence." Having spent part of my career in HR, it is not nearly as rare as you would like to think for people (both men and women) to be accused of sexual harassment.

I do meet with women, regularly, just never alone. My refusal to meet alone with women is hardly irrational. It is one of the safest and sanest choices a man can make in the current environment where a mere accusation is often enough to cause the loss of a job and future prospects.

I sincerely hope it never happens to you, but odds are high that it will if you acquire enough power at work. Not a popular view, I know, but still true.

No, it's really weird for you to refuse to have a regular 1:1 with your direct report because she's a woman. That's creepy and not normal at all.

That's one of the weaker attempts at shaming someone into doing something foolish and unnecessary that I've encountered.

Contrary to popular belief and widespread practice, 1:1s are not essential to developing employees. There are lots of other very effective ways to develop people on a team. (That's right, the men on my teams didn't get 1:1s either. And yet, somehow we got stuff done.)

This is exactly why I don't manage anyone any more. It's so tiresome when people with ten or twenty or thirty years less experience fight you every step of the way. I made enough doing that, now I make enough doing something else.

Obviously you are not up to date with the current state of militant feminism in many parts of the western world. Some women will easily make up accusations for personal reasons and even for career advancement. Not meeting them one-on-one in a professional setting is a perfectly valid protection from this. (Why would you need to meet them one-on-one in a workplace anyway? Do you have secret projects you don't want other co-workers to know about?) (Not all women do this obviusly, but a small part. Just like not all men harass others. But it takes one to destroy a career.)

No, it's getting quite common. The pence rule, they call it in America.

I've been on the pointy end of a false accusation by a woman in my team who was upset I insisted on supervising and double checking her work (which was extremely poor). Lucky me, the accusation wasn't sexual and double lucky she was a terrible liar. But if you think false accusations are rare you are pretty naive and probably just were never in a position to make an enemy of a woman.

It's not at all common. "The Pence rule" is noteworthy because it's so weird; it's reported as evidence of how out of the mainstream Pence is. If it was common, or becoming increasingly so, it would not be newsworthy when it's discovered that, for instance, he tried to organize an all-male jogging group "because he is married".

If the accusation you were at the other end of "wasn't sexual", I'm not sure what it has to do with this story, this thread, or with the gender of the accuser. I've been falsely accused of things at work by dudes, too. That is a thing that does happen.

"Irrational refusal"?

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/11/06/linus_torvalds_targ...

> I have never met with a female coworker alone in an office, and have never socialized with women coworkers outside of work.

> Has it hurt the development of some of the women who have been my direct reports over the years? Probably, but it has also protected the women I care about the most, namely my wife and daughter, because it has prevented any kind of accusations from getting traction.

Jesus. You're aware that you could get yourself and your employer sued for admitting this, aren't you?

> Yes, remarkably, and despite carefully avoiding any sexual talk of any sort at work for over thirty years now, I have been falsely accused of sexual harassment a handful of times over the years, but nothing has ever stuck. I think it is, in large part, because I have been so careful.

If you need the Billy Graham rule, then I am entirely sure the accusations against you had more merit than you'd care to admit.

No, I cannot be sued for admitting this, because in my current position no one reports to me. And ironically, the bogeyman of being sued is not that scary. I have been falsely accused three times over the years, and completely exonerated by the EEOC and a court of law in one case. (The other two cases crumbled under the weight of the accusers' accumulated lies before getting to that point, so bad that their lawyers withdrew from representing them.)

But it's easy in today's climate to make a baseless accusation.

And you realize that you could be sued for defamation of character by falsely accusing me of sexual harassment in a public forum, right?

Haha, great answer, I'm impressed at how you aren't backing down on this. Three times with legal action in all cases sounds terrible though, glad you were ok.

Not meeting alone or socializing with female coworkers is a pretty intelligent move these days for men, and will probably become the norm until we have cameras watching and recording our every move as proof nothing happened.

The problem is that most are guilty until proven innocent....and even when proven innocent many still lost their careers and livelihood in the process and companies just don't want the bad press.

It's about as intelligent as women avoiding being alone with men in fear of being attacked.

In some contexts, perhaps? Generally, no. There are dangers in a lot of interactions yet we still engage in this, there's nothing new about that. This is extreme.

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