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> I don't think any new computer comes booting into 16bit real mode anymore

It most certainly does. See the chapter on 8086 emulation in the Intel Software Developer's Manual, Volume 3.

I would love to see a 'write your own UEFI kernel in assembly,' but every resource seems to assume that one is writing in C. I want my system to be in assembly, and to grow it from there.

>32bit environment is much easier to deal with than starting at 16 and working your way up.

How much bytes do you think one requires for an OS loader? The complex part is loading all the code into memory from a file on disk partition without having a MB-sized fs driver, stdlib and loader in it yet. 16, 32 or 64 it doesn’t really matter.