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Comment by nunez | Hacker News Reader

Why would we have kids and suffer when we could not have kids and enjoy life to the fullest?

We make just enough to have a really good life without kids or have a really stressful life with them. We don’t even have a house yet (and I mostly don’t want one, but that’s another conversation). I ran the numbers, and I didn’t like the outcome.

Everyone that I know that has kids is sleep deprived, unable to do much of anything outside of the house and are in a lot of debt. Some people think that kids make up for all of that. Not us.

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I was totally the same.

Just had my first 9mo ago. I’m exhausted. I’m 44 years old (and not financially stable yet due to divorce). It’s hard work at this age. But is it worth it? Absolutely.

I had no affection for children at all before this. I don’t (even now) like other people’s kids that much. But today I came home from a long day of filing SR&ED paperwork (Canadian research tax benefit) and my daughter would just not go to sleep - awful night. But I’m happy. The wonderful things about having kids aren’t in the shitty crap you go through every day. They are in the look that child gives you when you get home. That lasts forever.

44 with a 9 month old? I feel for you :). I consider myself a late starter by having my first kid seven and a half years ago (I am also 44 right now). Many times I've considered that this would definitely be easier if I were twenty years younger. Wouldn't be nearly so financially stable however, so that's a trade off.

I'm totally with you on how awesome kids are. They are hard work, expensive, and ... totally worth it. Wouldn't give up my boy & girl for anything. Ambivalent about other people's kids, but I try to be polite.

My situation is not too dissimilar - 52 yrs old, divorced, w/ a 12 yr old boy. The first few years ARE difficult, but the older they get both the easier and more fun it becomes. They're increasingly self-sufficient which means your focus can shift from the mundane (diapers, etc) to educating them about life. My kid was unplanned, which was especially challenging in that I never had a particular desire to be a parent. So far it's been rewarding. I have his mom to thank for at least half of that.

Don't listen to the breeders.

You can choose to have a family when you want.

You don't need to share blood with your child in order for it to be a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.

I'm from a large extended family that has overwhelmingly chosen to not breed and adopt children into our lives, when we are READY and WANT THEM, instead.

I'm proud of the fact that I will never breed. I will probably raise a child at some point though. Genetics are over-rated.

> Genetics are over-rated

Intelligence (all g-factors, not just IQ but reaction time, etc) are roughly 40-55% heritable, depending on which study you choose to run with. Similar numbers are found for behavior, political leanings, conscientiousness, etc.

The blank slate hypothesis has been widely discredited. After work, the best contribution the high-IQ, high-conscientiousness people on this site can make to society is propagation of their genetic material.

> You can choose to have a family when you want

Fertility specialists would tend to disagree with your total disregard of reality, here.

> You can choose to have a family when you want.

> You don't need to share blood with your child in order for it to be a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.

> I'm from a large extended family that has overwhelmingly chosen to not breed and adopt children into our lives, when we are READY and WANT THEM, instead.

>> Fertility specialists would tend to disagree with your total disregard of reality, here.

For someone with such a high inherited IQ you sure do have poor reading comprehension.

On the other hand with reproducing you get to participate in the only thing unifying every organism to ever live on this planet, so there's that.

The equation is different for everyone. I'm sleep deprived, and my social life - and personal time - have definitely suffered. But it's worth it, for me.

If you don't think it is for you, don't let other people convince you otherwise.

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