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Comment by AIX2ESXI | Hacker News Reader

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Think it through though. It's easy to follow the bandwagon of guys that purport that life to be the solution (I read all this stuff too), and I thought it was too at some point. I think you should go taste that lifestyle, but I think you'd find it to be only a short term fix and the same sort of "trap" awaiting you at the end.

The solution to just simply arm yourself with all the knowledge you can, and then embark on the path to self-actualize. Between self-actualization and playing things close to your vest and smart, I think you can still make it work very well in America. Nowhere has the same purchasing power parity too for tech salaries (except maybe Switzerland).

Much appreciated man. Yeah, I have been doing the digital nomad lifestyle and lived abroad for a few weeks at a time for the past five years. I do see the trap that befalls most expats and am aware of risks. The months that I spend abroad are the happiest time of my life, when I come back to the states and can't get a date, am told I am toxic and a potential rapist and have to live in a city where homelessness is spiraling out of control and cost of living constantly rising beyond wage inflation, then I start to question everything that society tells me.

I appreciate the advice for self actualization. That is what constantly working on. In my free time, I am finishing my B.S. in Comp Sci/EE, travel internationally, work on certs, hang with my bros, hone my craft, enjoy new hobbies, write creatively, and try to stay sane and physically fit. The problems is that the more I walk down this path, the less tolerance I have for those who deter me from achieving these goals and those who don't impact my life in any positive way. As a 5'll light skinned multi-racial young man, when I try to date online or approach the opposite sex for any sort of intimacy or potential relationship, I get rejected and told I am too short, ethnic looking and am not rich enough by women who earn less than me and made bad life choices. Sigh, I suppose that makes me the asshole for not wanting to deal with this, trying to understand these trends and looking for a way out.

That's cool you tried it. I've done prolonged fast travel before, which is overrated. But staying in one spot for 1-3 months is something I think could be underrated and I want to try.

One trick I use sometimes is to imagine that I'm abroad even though I'm in my normal city. It makes things more interesting and gives me more energy for interactions.

The short and ethnic thing I could understand being frustrating. I'm basically 6' and white and pretty good looking. But even so, it's not the end all. It just opens the door. I don't get with the "cool" types of girls because I don't follow pop culture and play those games. Those types of girls you don't even want. It's tough though. Best way to meet girls is meetup-type stuff like a local running group, local language meetup, etc. Actually care about the activity and befriend the guys, etc. Then the benefits with girls come in a few months (take it slow and don't be the creepy/loser guy just there for girls). ex. I started going to the language meetup, and going hard in the languages and being kind of silly and fun. Now 2 years in, all the regulars know me and I have cred there. If I ever take a girl there, she knows I'm cool. Or new girls there know that I'm cool from the social proof.

If I didn't have a great family that I want to see monthly, I would definitely consider the moving overseas thing.

Basically you just focus on YOUR PATH and believe in what you spend YOUR TIME on. I think people get magnetized towards people with a "purpose" who can spread life energy instead of trying to take energy(this girl should give me love, this guy should give me respect or validation, etc).

If you are constantly getting turned down for dates, you are doing something wrong - probably approaching the wrong kind of people in the first place. Instead of looking for the super hot chick at the bar and then using cheesy pickup lines, why don't you seek out people who share your same interests, even if they don't seem like "your type". Most times you'll find their company vastly more enjoyable than the hot bar chick and you also won't have to pretend to be something you're not.

Appreciate the advice Man. Being from born and raised in L.A I admit to being a little superficial. A doctor here once stated "LA is a bunch of sevens, trying to be tens, chasing elevens". The potential rapist thing is because I work in academia and there is a lot of awareness emails that go to my email and mandatory orientation, etc. Just gets to be a bit much. I mean every boy got the raping is wrong talk when we were 13 right,?

lmao buddy it probably has more to do with the "potential rapist" thing

Well, there is that.

If anyone else was curious what SMV means in this comment it seems to be Sexual Market Value.

It’s a term used amongst red pill/incel and such communities.

> red pill / incel

incel = Involuntarily Celibate.

What's red pill?

Also, how does the 'Nu male' relates to, or is different from an incel dude?

My sense is that incels are red pilled and nu males aren't. So they might be similar in that they both fail to live up to a certain image of masculinity, but incels view that as a problem (or, at least, a hindrance) whereas nu males don't.

Red Pill comes from a famous late 90’s Sci Fi movie called The Matrix. The main characters world is not exactly what it appears to be at first and he is offered a choice of the red pill which would show him the truth or the blue pill that would keep him living the lie.

It has since been picked up by many communities as a way of saying they are ‘woke’ to the truth. It is currently in widespread use amongst the community of the subreddit The Donald by people claiming to have woken up from the liberal agenda or something along those lines.

In this context it probably refers to an infamous subreddit called the_red_pill that was a cess pool of pick up artists essentially training each other on how to hurt abuse and/or use women. It was banned sometime ago, during the Ellen Pao era I think. I believe they used it in the context of being woken up from the ‘lies’ of treating women as normal human beings if you want to find a lover.

Never hear of Nu Male, sounds like 4chan to me.

FWIW, r/TheRedPill definitely still exists.

> I avoid Vox articles due to the unsubtle feminist ideologies

> (...) recent cringe Vox interview with Jordan Peterson that kept trying put words in his mouth

> (...) I see no future for myself outside of being someone's mortgage hound or alimony sugar daddy.

That escalated quickly!

I feel this too. Most of my cis male friends won't date people that will make less money than them. I know I won't.

Is your intention to have a partner that walks in lockstep through career paths over the course of a long career?

How do you intend to deal with illness, career changes & family raising?

I think lower earning person can make up by doing extra chores and house work. That's what I do now. Not sure how fair that is but I think it's fair.

Yup. Most men will actually marry down economically, but women generally marry up economically. Perhaps when this is finally noticed, men will only marry their equals. With women graduating college at higher rates, perhaps this changes?

https://www.smh.com.au/opinion/marrying-down-why-men-are-the...

My wife prefers a career working with autistic children, and earns much less than I do as a software developer because of that preference. She is amazing and I want to enable her to do whatever she is happiest doing using the money I am fortunate to be earning, as much as she is willing to let me help. You're looking at other human beings as merely economic objects and that's not going to net you happiness long-term. Consider each human you meet on the merits of their character, not their wallets...

This thread is ridiculous. Come back to earth, get out and meet real people.

> You're looking at other human beings as merely economic objects

I don't mean to be offensive but don't you think she considered your earning potential while choosing you as her husband?

There is nothing wrong with doing it, ppl have beeen doing it forever. Nothing immoral about it. It does go into the equation.

My wife cares very little about money. She developed her own methods for getting the most out of life without it, and is always suggesting that I spend less of it. I've been able to show her the benefits of having extra money and she's been able to show me how to live well frugally (not that I'm a big spender in the first place).

Thats awesome man!. Congrats on finding a good mate.

> Most men will actually marry down economically, but women generally marry up economically.

If the first phrase is true, then the second must also be.

Of course we're conflating income with wealth (or 'economical value'), which may be fraught.

> Perhaps when this is finally noticed, men will only marry their equals.

I think asking all men to think the way you think is going to be disappointing.

I also think that proposing the evaluation of people based on income and/or economic potential is breathtakingly depressing.

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