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Comment by abandonliberty | Hacker News Reader

Start failing. If you want a different outcome change your behavior and take some chances.

You will probably fail a lot because it's difficult, compatibility is rare, and we do a terrible job preparing men with appropriate dating behaviors. It can be very difficult but also rewarding.

Most people seek mates of higher value+loyalty to ensure their survival. The prevalence of this behavior is a testament to its evolutionary success.

Do you sincerely believe that you're a low value mate, or are you seeking to avoid discomfort?

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Thank you for your kind words. I honestly don't think I'm a low value mate. I've demonstrated loyalty and my friends know this. But not yet a high value mate as I'm in the market for a job + student loans, fear of driving, etc.

I've always been risk averse due to the way I was brought up. Failure was death. I would avoid doing things that could have an outcome related to it, and unsurprisingly impacted my engineerong skills a lot. I would double check everything before executing code on even staging (and of course the Intern mishaps as usual).

I have started to work on myself and quite recently lost some weight and trying to get into some discernable shape. Can't thank you enough for taking your time out to help a fellow man, hope you have a wonderful evening and the rest of the weekend.

You're overthinking this. People don't add up the value of a "mate" and pick the highest valued one. They look for someone they get on well with. No one cares if you fear driving, no one cares if you have student loans. Maybe you should talk to friends about your problems, I know when I did I discovered everyone's got problems, mostly the same as mine, and no one gives a shit, including their girlfriends. No one's perfect.

Excellent. Potential value is still value. Discipline is value.

It's easy to tell you that I'm really intelligent, wealthy, and friendly, whether or not it's true. Much of dating is around finding ways to demonstrate/identify desired characteristics (e.g. "wealthy people don't tell you they're wealthy"). There are people who know how to play this game without having the underlying values they telegraph (leads to issues in the long run, avoid). The much maligned 'just be yourself' is actually entirely true, just firmly in the simple, not easy, category.

Love yourself, know your strengths, and don't give up. A rejection saves you time and moves you closer to the right person(s).

Lions have a hunt success rate of 19%. If they were human, they would give into despair after 3 attempts, convince themselves they're a failure, get even worse at hunting, then starve to death. Don't take failure personally.

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