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Comment by quickben | Hacker News Reader

Well, this may be contrary to the flow here, but I think the problem may be you.

Please, allow me to explain: you asked a question portraying yourself as the victim in the relationship. Then bunch of people are trying to help you out, but you didn't respond to any of their questions.

For anything to succeed, you will need synergy and thus, communication.

I respectfully advise you to engage here with the 35 people that are trying to help you out.

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Right. I think a better question is how do you deal with a co-founder who posts something like this on HN, where they know you and other people you know will see it, as if the story doesn’t contain obviously identifiable info? Someone who attacks by attempting to frame public opinion? (not speaking as that person, just an observation)

I chose my words carefully to make sure this remains totally anonymous. I was not trying to frame public opinion, just genuinely feeling low and desperate.

It was 3 hours since the OP when you posted. I'd give him more time; being a founder he may have just had time to post this and intends to follow up later.

Thanks for your response. An hour after posting my post was at 1pt and no responses and I thought it died in new. I've only just seen these messages now but I'm at work.

I'm actually overwhelmed that so many people would answer. I will engage with everyone as soon as I get back from the office.

What do you say to the idea that your posting is underhanded and passive aggressive? People involved will recognize your business based on the description you give. Everyone else will take your side of the story for granted and crucify the picture you paint of your co-founder.

There are plenty of avenues you could take to seek the advice of other entrepreneurs for this without doing it on a public forum. It seems you’re looking to create an effect upon certain people in your situation who you expect to read HN.

You don’t come off well in this, IMHO.

I do concede there is a passive aggressive element to my post, caused by a lot of internal resentment and frustration.

But no one will recognize our business or who we are. But I can't really go into detail on that topic without actually risking revealing something.

I genuinely reached for advice in a desperate moment.

I'm sure I'm part of the problem. I can't say that I've been some kind of angel. I have reacted quite badly and at times immaturely. I did not however intend to portray myself as a victim. It's a situation of my own making. I did choose him as a co-founder after all.

It has been a very difficult few years though. I've taken a lot on board from what I've read today and I think it's made a positive difference. We finished the day feeling like we were on the same team for the first time in a long while.

This sort of relativist approach only makes sense if you assume both people are right, wrong, or lying. If one of them sees things how they are and the other does not, then "synergy" isn't going to get anyone anywhere.

Also, you should be "respectful" by entertaining the possibility that what OP is saying is true.

+100!

There is a lot of very good advice already given here. Granted, some of it might not be applicable, but some feedback would allow these HN contributors refine their suggestions.

There is indeed a lot of good advice here and I'm touched that people have gone out of their way to give it. I couldn't respond right away since the post didn't get any responses for the first hour and I had already turned in for the night. I didn't see the responses until today.

Dude it's only been 2 hours since he posted.

Are you sticking up for yourself by pretending to be a different poster?

*Edit: reworded this

100% that wasn't me. I'm at the office now and will engage with everyone as soon as I get back.

The usernames seem stupidly similar, this is becoming an interesting roller coaster of a story!

Weird that the username is green even though it doesn't exactly match OP's.

green just mean newly created account

I also find that colorscheme plainly confusing, maybe a tooltip or something to explain the color will help?

Oh thanks for the correction. I thought green meant OP

I considered that before I replied, but then it has to be contrasted with the fact that the guy claims to be suffering for a year.

Since people end relationships in much less time if things aren't going well, I was instinctively expecting the op to care more.

Whether or not people end relationships "in much less time if things aren't going well" is an empirical question and I don't think it's necessarily true. Anecdotally, lots of people seem to "stick it out" in various kinds of personal and business relationships for much longer than a year even when things are terrible.

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