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Comment by xab9 | Hacker News Reader

Please do see a psychologist. Depending on your personal background you may find this advice offensive or annoying, but give it a try.

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Reading my comment, I can understand why you'd advise this. I think it's unnecessary at this point because I understand a lot more about myself that I didn't before and was getting to a good place just before I met her. Thankfully, never had been suicidal or anything like that. Thanks for the concern though. :)

I'm not talking about being suicidal, I'm talking about being dependent - but of course it is your call. I always thought of my marriage as something of an unbreakable sacred wonder that "fixed me" for good, but looking back now I'm not exactly sure about it. Funny thing is that if someone told me this, I would've laughed at him or just dismissed the theory alltogether.

I get that. It's of course completely possible that we're only in honeymoon stage. I also understand the psychology that if you're looking for others to fill up your own inadequacies, you may run into trouble. But in my case, I don't think that's the story for me. Rather, she's opened my eyes about the wrong ways I viewed everything. I can quantifiably say that she's making me a better person firstly through giving me a platform for having confidence, secondly by acting as a confidante, and thirdly by giving me feedback about everything I do. It helps that we have common values, goals, and faith.

I don't think xab9 is denying that your wife made you a better person and see things in a different light. That's awesome and you should be proud of her. But your comments keep showing a form of dependancy that can quickly spiral out of control and turn against you (personally I have been there). A psychologist can be a tremendous help in preventing such situations.

Like xab9's comment, please do not take offence in my comment either.

Thanks, this is food for thought.

I would say, ignore both of them (the HNers advising you above in good earnest). You will cross that bridge if/when there is a need. The disruption to a happy phase can come in various guises. Don't mend if it ain't broke, they say. Also make hay while the sun shines & may be it will shine longer.

Yes, that's why I said his call - I'm just a random stranger (no expert, no family member, no good friend etc), the weight of the things I say is close to zero and this is fine.

On the other hand sometimes it may be good to have a pillow to soften a fall. If nothing happens, I spent that money on myself, no big deal, but if a tragedy happens out of the blue then it may save his life. It saved mine.

I understand. And that's why even in my post I said 'good earnest'. But I feared by OP's last comment that he was beginning to take the advise seriously. So I thought my duty to put an affirming point.

You guys, I'm much more stable and logical than my writing would have you believe. :D

or check out www.talkspace.com for online therapy if going somewhere is too much

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